Thursday 19 April 2012

Moving' on up!

I think that changes are a 'comin that are going to ease so much of the pressure it feels like the family has been under for so long. My dear friends have seen the strains and stresses coming out in so many ways. They have so patiently and lovingly born witness to our unfolding unhappiness and been kind and supportive and offered so much love it has been such a massive blessing to us. You know who you are, you know how much you have helped by talking things over and over with me, talking in circles, listening, holding the space of uncertainty with love and compassion. I am truly grateful to you. Truly, thank you. I've been feeling uncertain, indecisive, angry, frustrated, and overstretched mentally and emotionally for too long. Just lately my stomach has been knotted more days than not. I've had aches and pains and back problems - poor circulation, sciatica, lethargy, and feeling low. Did a pretty good job of hiding it from you on the blog, eh dear reader? Who wants to bang on and on about feeling a little miserable with their lives? Feeling unfulfilled? Unbalanced? Blah, boring! Who wants to read that stuff? The blog has been a wonderful escape for me, a place to reinvent some of my days, making them sound cheerier than they really were in real life. It's nicer to focus on the sweeter stuff that happens and push the crappy stuff below the surface. There have been lots of wonderful days and moments don't get me wrong! But too many sad or anxious ones than I would really wish for in the long term. I am becoming so aware that life is short and precious, that others suffer genuine tragedies and misfortunes, whereas our stresses have been self-induced and a result of our own choices along the way till now. But we live and learn so so much from all the different phases and parts of our life journey, so I have no regrets. Je ne regrette rien. I feel that things are going to change in such a dramatic way that we will drastically get our soul mojo back as a family to be a more loving, healthy, happy unit, vibrating and thriving more joyfully rather than just surviving, where following our dreams becomes more important than following orders, where listening to our hearts and having quality time with friends and ourselves will be more possible than at present, where our happiness outstrips our bank account not vice versa, and where our creativity and light can shine more truly. How can we expect our children to follow their passions, their dreams, their calling, their hearts if we cannot lead by example? If we sit around bitchin' about our lives rather than living a life we feel proud of then how are they going to learn to live with purpose and love? Changes are a comin' and there'll be no looking back. Bring it on, baby!!!!! I'm so ready.

8 comments:

  1. I think we all feel like this from time to time Motherfunker-sometimes I find blogging very lonely as it can feel like your wearing your heart on your sleeve and it's being ignored. I suffer from feelings of guilt if I moan because the decisions I've made are exactly that-my decisions. I heard a very good line recently in a programme and it was about endurance, how we endure pain and sadness and how it makes us stronger, I think it's very true. Life is tough, somedays more than others, but somehow we make it through. Hoping things are good for you soon Motherfunker :-)) x

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  2. Exciting that changes are coming. Really pleased that whatever stress and unhappiness you have been clouded by is going to lift. Keep following your dreams x

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  3. I'm sure it will be a bit more... Er, nuanced than that, but glad to hear you are looking forward in a positive way. Life can be unbelievably hard sometimes. I think all the choices we have in our privileged life are a trouble of their own kind. No external grief cuts to the bone quite like the self-loathing that so many of us feel, who are free to make and regret SO many decisions in our lives. It can get awfully overwhelming.
    Here's a bit more love yer way!
    CJ

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  4. Thanks guys, I'm really touched. I think we all have our crap to bear, and there comes a breaking point after which things can only get better! That point has come. We have been trying to change our lives for a while but didn't know how. Now we know! And it feels glorious!!! :-) :-) :-)

    CJ - I will pm you about the guest post I promised to do for you very soon x

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    1. I'm glad you have worked it out and I look forward with great anticipation of what you're up too. Much inspiration comes from you and many other's. We have been trying to change things for a while too but we are still working our way through it all x

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    2. You have been a listening ear for me in some of my dark times and I know that your dark times will have their dawn too. They say that the darkest hour is just before dawn! X

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  5. You know where I am if you need me xxx

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    1. I do need you and you've been a wonderful friend and a patient one! You help me all the time already :-) x x x

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