Thursday, 20 June 2013

Hush! Hush!

I can't remember where I saw it, but a few months ago, I saw a little button on someone's blog that said 'I'm taking the 365 days no shouting pledge' and it got me thinking about our family.

We have raised our boys with slightly opposing philosophies, Mr. Cleary and me. I have always hated competition, and competitive sports, whereas Hubba Hubba has always thought competition is healthy and makes us strive to be better, pushing us beyond what we would otherwise achieve.

So there have been tensions between the lads, as they all vie to be the best at this or that. Somewhere on our journey, films with terms like 'loser' have crept in. And so the boys wanna be top dog and this or that. And they fight a bit between them as they battle to win one over on each other. I fucking hate it!

And as there has been a fair amount of highly stressful crap going on intermittently this year, everyone's voices have gotten louder and louder (Perhaps partly where my love of silence has crept in recently!) The boys get pissy with each other as they get jealous about stuff.

And then a GLORIOUS thing happened. We went to circus camp. The boys learnt some amazing skills, in a NON-COMPETITIVE environment. Cosmo, the ringleader and clown extraordinaire, made a statement, for which I could have kissed him (but was way too shy!):

"I don't believe in competition. I believe everyone is talented and got something special about them. No-one is better than anyone else. Everyone is brilliant in their own way"

Woohoo! Yes. Too bloody right. Competition creates tensions, rivalry, jealousies and suffering for everyone but the winner - and sometimes everyone including the winner!

So anyway, what has this got to do with shouting? (I'm getting to that part)

Well, I turned around to Pete a while back and said I think, as a family, we are all a bit shouty. (Daddy Pete in particular - hes had more stress than any of us, so I get it.... but....) When we don't feel heard, we just crank it up. Times that by six and everyone starts talking louder and louder until we are shouting, and as a means of dealing with stress SHOUTING sucks! Ad it doesn't take the stress away it just makes it even worse. And it is tiresome communicating in such a rubbishy way. Just a habit and actually unnecessary.

So we made a pact. From now on, and for 365 days (I'm hoping to make it permanent but a year is a good start), lets not shout at each other. At all. Let's all break the habit of doing it.

And now if anyone gets a bit loud, we all gently say to them "you're shouting". And that reminder makes the person walk away, and try to deal with it differently.

You know what's. it's workings, it's really working! It's been two months since we took that pledge, and now if anyone shouts, it's rare and we all notice it as something unusual.

I am enjoying the quieter, less shouty Cleary way of living. Alf is still habitually dissolving into a shouty puddle when he gets REALLY frustrated but he'll grow out of it.

I just know he will - because we all have!

Perhaps this is another reason I am enjoying the quiet, the still, the peaceful, the wordless.

Anyway, that's enough words from me.

Shhhhh....... as you were......


Wednesday, 12 June 2013


Following on from my last post, I thought it would be fun to explore wordless pleasures and treasures in this usually 'wordy' space!

And this, my friends, is definitely a wordless treasure - a beautiful film about the microcosmos of the natural world .... I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

MICROCOSMOS - An incredible, up-close look at the insect and floral world


Friday, 7 June 2013

Words at my feet, song in my heart

Hey - checking in because I have missed y'all a little and wanted to write and say all is well, in spite of scant postings!

Why so quiet, you ask?

I haven't been able to express myself in words just lately, nor have I wanted to.

And now I understand why!

I hit a big flashing light realization just recently whilst having a conversation about spirituality.

The lady I was chatting with was a Reiki master, and she was talking about how we throw words up in front of us to try and project who we are and what we mean to say, and how our true essence is behind the veil of words. It rang so true and helped explain something I've been feeling for a while but wasn't able to find the words for!.

As a writer, I have become a mistress of words, weaving them this way and that, using them to help me to distill feelings, thoughts and experiences. Making the illogical logical, the irrational, rational. Making neat and tidy things which are wild and spill out over the lines.

I've been trying to make sense of the mysteries of life with words. But I realise how inadequate this is!

We simply cannot express everything with words, nor understand everything using words or explain them using words. Some things cannot be explained.

Some things are meant to be a mystery.They are meant to be illogical. They are meant to be elusive.

For they are bigger than us.

Words are from the head.

And just lately, my heart has really taken over doing all the thinking around here. I am feeling and processing from a different place.

Words are guff! 

They are black and white, not multicoloured. They don't even touch the ultra violet colours on the spectrum!

So please excuse the silence, but don't take it as anything bad - I am simply feeling life with my heart right now and swimming around in the enjoyment of not writing, not trying to distill things, not trying to pin down shadows, not trying to catch butterflies.

Simply breathing, feeling, enjoying, tasting, loving, smelling, and living life to the full.

Are you feeling life with your heart, or has your head taken over?

Give your head a holiday and just feel.

" The quieter you become the more able you are to hear " 
- Rumi

Can you hear it? Can you feel life?

Isn't it just fucking beautiful?