I had a moment today, a realisation.
I have not been taking enough care of myself for a long time.
I haven't been eating great, I haven't been drinking enough fluids, I haven't been able to get to sleep easily. I haven't been a good friend to myself because I've been so focused on being a good friend to others, spending hours and hours late at night hoping and dreaming and praying that things will work out for them all. And in contrast to how I care for others I'm pretty lame at caring for myself! If I devoted a tenth of the time I am putting out worrying and caring for everyone else I would be in amazing shape!
This year, like every year I devoted a lot of time to finding lovely gifts for everyone I know, and didn't have a single present to give my husband on Christmas day. My man, the one who means more than anything, my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my partner. Nothing, nada, zip! This is partly because he said 'I already have everything I want, please don't get me anything'..... But still.... Only just now have I figured out what to get my love - I have a little surprise for him which will remedy that - shhhh..... don't tell though!
And I have realised that I am also way more generous with others too when it comes to seeing the good in them and believing the best in them - without extending the same courtesy to myself.
This year I have given myself so much of a hard time, been so unkind to myself, been unforgiving and hard on myself.
So I am going to do myself a favour this year. I am going to be gentle.
Instead of striving so hard to be strong and capable ALL the time, I am going to take some of my own advice.
In writing my birth book I have written some chapters in the benefits of remaining supple and bendy in birth in the metaphysical sense - and remained very inflexible in my own ways of thinking!
So this year I am going to learn to relax more, be bendy bendy bendy, and *truly* go with the flow.....