Got my mojo in flow!

Well after an energising and wonderful whirl of seeing friends, my batteries are super-charged and I feel so much happier, so much more grounded, and like things are falling into place where they felt a bit stuck again. I think I have finally made my peace with the fact that we are not traveling any more, that it is winter, that we are home, not adventuring. Even though it was tough some days, looking back at the photos again I no longer feel a sense of denial that it's all over, that our fabulous trip is done. And now Christmas is all finished, and we are back to a normal rhythm again, a new pattern is emerging in our home that I am liking A LOT!!!!

In between having folks here, I have been managing to get some time to really work on my business and writing stuff. Sitting for a few hours and having my own desk to work at, and no kids to have to do anything for, even just for a short time, is ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY WOW!  And this is shared out with Hubba Hubba who also gets a few hours in his office, doing his own worky stuff. It feels like play, but actually some really great stuff is bubbling away on our creative cookers, and when your work feels exciting and there is time to dream, good shit happens!!! 

I am really making peace with some of the things that have been holding me back these last couple of years both on a personal and professional level. Big fears are being overcome. I am feeling confident in my writing, in my book, in my doula work and vision. After spending lots of time researching and reading and reflecting I am feeling ok again about expressing and sharing and discussing some of my more radical birth ideas. Last year I had a really testing time with a friend which completely rocked my confidence, and made me question my ability to support and nurture in the way that I feel is authentic and heartfelt.  I have realised that actually all I can ever do is just be myself, and that this is ok. That I cannot change who other people are, nor should I change myself to be more acceptable to them.

It's taken me a long time to heal from this, but I now feel I can really move on from it - yay!

I have decided something really important today.

I am a passionate birth worker and I am not going to apologise for it any more! I am not going to apologise for agreeing with the radicals, the rebels, the counter-culture heroes and heroines that I adore. I am going to promote and put into action the loving and compassionate practises which I see so many professionals urging people to do in the birthing world. I am not going to feel afraid any more of offending the mainstream view, of wording everything extra delicately.

I'm going to publish a brave and unapologetically hippyfied birthing book and stop worrying about the fact that it might be sneered at or rejected by some.  Being absolutely, authentically me and speaking in my own voice, is all I can really do, to honour my heart and soul vision. That must be enough!

I am reading so many wonderful books and watching so much fantastic birthy stuff right now that I KNOW in my soul is right and true and just gorgeous! Some very wise people are guiding my way, on the path ahead of me, and I feel so grateful to live in this age where I can read hundreds of birth stories, watch youtube clips of fantastic speakers from around the world like Marsden Wagner, Michel Odent, Ina May Gaskin and others - folks who really believe in the miracle of the human body when women are genuinely cared for and deeply supported and understoo. With decades of experience in very senior position in the birthing world, they really are qualified to talk on the subject of a gentler and more humane approach to birth. I feel so supported as a doula in this stage of my journey and amazed by the knowledge and professionalism displayed by doulas in real life and also on various chat rooms and forums- the care and information sharing is just so generous and fantastic. The dedication of doulas in finding the best research, to share and disseminate information on every conceivable birth topic, both medical and not, is phenomenal. I am really impressed with how informed and well educated doulas strive to be, and it is really moving to be part of something so passionate and caring.

Soooooo, anyway my lovelies. Basically I am feeling pretty darn fabulous right now about home and work, after feeling so wibbly and wobbly and wavey and stucky and tired, I am feeling like I have given myself permission to do what I need to do and say what I need to say.

Go me!