Friday, 26 August 2011

Before we were mamas

Sweet dear Mamas.

This is a love letter to you.

All of you.

I know it can be hard. There are so many layers to us. We were not born as mamas, but we have been born into it so to speak, with the mental, physical and psychological stretch marks to prove it. Some of us keep these better hidden than others. Being born into a mother role involves a labour of sorts and a kind of being squeeeeeeezed into our new role, from our old life into this new one. It has it's dangers. But it is a new start, a fresh start, a new beginning. Something beautiful, pure and clean.

And that can be hard to deal with when we carry around hurts and scars that won't heal. Pain from before. It doesn't entirely dissolve or go away. Some hurts run too deep. Some pains run so deep nothing and no-one can touch them easily. They are too hard to talk about. Too awkward. Too painful. The is almost never a right time to discuss them, because those things stray so far from the path of polite conversation, conversation that can be discussed near children, etc...

I know you all have your hurts. Your own disappointments that you carry around under your busy mummy exterior. Painful things that hurt like hell. Things from before we were mamas.

Remember you are not alone dear mama. We all carry these things. We all have scars we hide from each other - ourselves even.

When old hurts (whether they be a month, a year, ten years, or twenty) come back to haunt you, remember how far you've come. Remember what you've achieved. Feel proud of who and where you are now. Don't let the past hold you down, don't let it keep you there. Your time is now. Look into your partner and your children's eyes and drink deeply. Look at yourself in the mirror and really smile. Remember you are beautiful. You're alive! That is a gift. It really is.


  1. hmmmmm I am not one for living in the past although am able to dip back in and out to sweet memories and cringe at other memories and quickly block out those ones that enter in that we could well do without. Some things in life hurt more than others but you know what the say "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger". All was right with the world when my first batch were born :-)

  2. We all bring such different stuff to mothering. You are right. More gentleness is always a good thing. I wish we could all stop comparing ourselves to others - stop assuming we are inferior because we don't match up to some other super-mom. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Some days we focus on good - other days on the yucky stuff. It is nice to be reminded that no matter what we bring with us into motherhood - it can be a gift. Thank you.

  3. Thanks for your perspectives ladies. It's nice to talk about trivial things like colouring books etc...but some days I just need to communicate where I'm really at, in that moment. It's not always peaches and cream in mine or anyone's world....there are difficult things, difficult emotions that are hard to express....thanks for reading, thinking, processing... X

  4. I definitely brought baggage with me as i entered motherhood. But i am aware of it and working on it. The biggest thing probably being that I wasn't true to myself when it came to studying and career options - i let myself be pushed in a different direction beause i didn't feel strong enough to argue my case. Now i feel i have lost my chance to do what i felt was authentically me, and i am trying to find new ways of feeling intellectually and creatively fulfilled. But in doing so i am healing myself and hopefully i will be setting a good example for my children. Its never too late.

  5. It can be harder to forgive ourselves than others, but I guess there's no peace till we do. Whether they are little things or whopping great mistakes... But you are's never too late, and healing ourselves is not always a smooth road. It can feel horrid along the way too. It really is never too late, and people overcome much bigger crap in the grand scheme of things..... That's what I keep reminding myself....