The boys are bickering a lot. Hubby is working long hours.
I want to write about the shiny happy time we're having. The truth is I'm just darn tired. Too tired to work on the book. I'm feeling the kind of tired where even cooking and cleaning seem like gargantuan tasks.
My mother in law came over today and instead of hanging out here in this messy tip, I took the boys out so I wouldn't have to sit with her and have the boys being bouncy and me feeling bad about that. We had a great time while we were out but came home to the mother-of-all messes, which I have left.
Instead of having early nights and drinking herbal teas and eating nourishing foods I have started up smoking roll-ups by the back door, eating cake for England and watching episodes of Downton Abbey till gone midnight 'cos, whilst I am shattered, I can't actually sleep.
I wish I could get myself into a more 'wholesome' headspace but I feel crappy about a bunch of stuff right now. I feel sorry for myself, unsure of things, in a funk. I don't like to bring my friends down so I act cheery. I feel silly moaning, I like to be the one who lifts her friends up and offers good advice, sets a good example of living and thinking positively, being pro-active in improving our lot rather than whinging about it. But I haven't the energy to keep it up at the moment. Shiny shiny blogs by shiny shiny mamas managing a million things and doing it cheerily with a smile are hard for me to take right now. I don't want to know about how endlessly patient some other mama is. I feel crabby.
I always want to be the one who bakes the cake for someone, sends people nice packages and random little cards and letters, lends stuff out, tries to do nice stuff for everyone. Right now I'm just going to focus more on my own peeps. I have so little precious time that there isn't a whole lot spilling over for the rest of humanity right now!
So if I don't write or phone or bake you a cake or do something nice for you right now, please don't think badly of me. I still love you. I'm just freakin' tired.