Saturday, 14 January 2012

Kaleidoscope of mamahood

Wow, I am in one philosophical space right now! I'm sure I'll be back to writing about colouring books or recommending CD's or something like that again soon. but here we are right now. In philosophical land.

I've been thinking about the fact that for all the different types of mama there are out there, it's also fair to say that no mama is the same person every day of her life.

No mama is a stereotype.

No mama is one singlular thing, one single 'type'.

Beyond our labels and boxes we are complex, ever changing creatures. We are a kaleidoscope of feelings, attitudes, prejudices, successes, hang-ups, and preferences. A rainbow of different colours. We all suck at certain things we so wish we could do. And we also kick ass at our different things. Making peace with the things we suck at, or THINK we suck at, is perhaps the hardest thing of all, and why we mamas sneer at those we aspire to sometimes - perhaps we are jealous of something in their lives that comes easily to them, that we struggler with, so we lick our wounds and say "Who wants to be like THEM?"

We all do it. We all have a "type" of mother in our heads that we collectively in our cliques have a moan about, congratulating ourselves that we are not like THEM, feeling smug that we are alright jack!

And it only further creates those barriers.

But does any mama deserve this? Don't we all carry hurts and dreams? Regrets and mistakes? Doesn't every mama deserve a break - every new day that dawns? Wouldn't it be nice to celebrate on one another's behalf, the things we cannot manage ourselves? Ooh that's a hard one. Maybe the hardest of all.

Jeez, we mamas are hard on ourselves. We are much more critical of ourselves than we would ever be of our friends or peers. We carry our self-hating baggage around like a giant weight. It can slow us down. Make us heavy. Become a huge tie. We become a slave to it. We feed the self- loathing monster till it grows so big we come to a standstill sometimes. Cos it becomes too heavy to take anywhere! And I see this is a universal trait not just something that I do. I read so many stories of you other mamas dragged down by not living up to your own, or your peer group's or your family's or society's ideals. We have so many pressures and expectations both internally and externally to live up to every day. Whilst wading through the landscape of feeling tired beyond belief, of toddler tantrums and poo on the carpet (again!), or the disappointment of having a body that doesn't look as nice as it once did.

I think we need to cut those leads to our pet monsters and set them free. Those monsters who tell us we're shit, that we aren't good enough, that we feed with our fears, and and our fearful imaginations.

Being a mother, being a woman of a certain age, doesn't mean we have to be one thing all day every day. We can be lots of things simultaneously. And we should be more fearless in being all those different things. We are a wonderful kaleidoscope of things.

I'm aware of how many different threads make up me as a mama. I am more than my Mummy job title. I'm more than a 'type'. I am no more one of 'those' mothers than you or anyone!

I like listening to the Slits AND radio four. I like the exquisite, lofty and noble beauty of Kahlil Gibran and the ridiculous, infantile and downright offensive South Park. I like magazines about period homes and rocking out with all my sweat and strength to The Eagles of Death Metal. I am a pink haired hippy at heart who lives in a period home and has two iPads. I absolutely love camping in our bell tent but give me a four star hotel every now and then and I'm a happy woman. I'm deeply, passionately, alternative in some things and pretty mainstream in others. I adore my children but sometimes I want to run for the hills and leave it all behind. I like organic top-of-the range food AND pot noodles. I'm a snob and a pleb rolled into one. There are so many paradoxes, contradictions, facets to what make me, well, ME.

And so do YOU. And so does EVERY mama.

Remember you and all us mamas are a glorious kaleidoscope. You are beautiful in all your colours. You can be anything you want.

Don't feed that oversized pet any more mamas, break free and be the beautiful, wonderful multi- faceted creatures you are, and live loud and proud!


  1. Love it. Would you like to guest post it on The Happy Womb at some stage?

  2. You did it again! You have a wonderful way with words and blog posts. I have put a link to your post at the bottom of a blog post I started to waffle about last night about a program on how to be a good mum. It's just been published.

  3. Hell yeah Lucy. I'd be super honoured! Angela, thank you so much. Will check out your post in a bit :-)

  4. I was so with you there, until the Pot Noodle...

    ...just kidding! Fabulous post xxx