Hey you
How's it going?
I have been feeling cruddy all week with a stinking cold and Hubba Hubba's been working like a loon! It's been a tough week.
Such weeks always leave me feeling lacking...and the result of this week's trials has been an idea for a post that has been ruminating and I want to talk about..... drumroll please..... THE INFERIORITY COMPLEX.
I am guessing I am not the only mama who looks around at the rest of the world on her down days and feels lacking. Everyone in blog-land seems uber creative. Felting, knitting, painting, baking, sewing, making beautiful things of one kind or another. It can feel a bit depressing when I am JUST ABOUT getting through the day/week/ month, with the kids fed, watered, dressed, let alone getting everyone out of the door for outings/expeditions. These things can, on some days, feel like a MAJOR achievement and take every ounce of my energy, patience and mojo. There is usually one child in the mix who very firmly wants to stay at home on those days I happen to have something really fab planned and somehow they become even more obstinate and stubborn when we need to go out and about doing less exciting errands. And yet life cannot be exciting and fun-filled everyday....we still gotta put out bins, get new tax discs, queue up for things and suffer the boredom or grosseness of certain unpleasant chores. Doing such things with four whiney children in tow can really take its toll when you are feeling ill.
Some days I look around at my friends, and quietly envy their talents and skills - heck, I'll be honest here... I even envy their children some days. I'm not proud of this. But it's how I really feel. It gets to me a little that I am neither a fantastic smallholder, keeper of bees, talented quilter, expert gardener, prolific painter, or able to do swedish massage. I am not uber stylish. I sometimes get BO. My kids are suffering from daddy's stupid workload at the moment, being super whingy, sulky, ungrateful and argumentative. They aren't eager to learn, settling down and being productive when I have my back turned. They'd rather fight and jump on the sofa. My home has been looking more and more of a mess just lately, and the kids seem to be wrecking furniture at a rate of knots. Two child beds with broken slats in the last month. The house is getting shabbier and shabbier as I have less and less energy to keep up with the tide of snotty fingers, yoghurt drips, felt-tip scribbles, and unidentified stains. The greater part of my garden looks like a mess too, with ground elder and stinging nettles running riot and saying ner-ner-ner-ner-ner at me, every time I clap eyes on them . I feel less than shiny and happy.
And I wonder how many of us feel like this sometimes? Surely it can't be just me?
How many of us feel lacking compared to others? Do you ladies compare yourselves to the rest of the world and think "Fuck, why can't I/my kids/my house/whatever be more like (insert a friends/cybermummy's name)"???
I think the problem may be that we look at everyone's lives and in our minds muddle all the best bits of everyone we know and love into one SUPERPERSON - a multitaskin' fanfeckingtastic ubermama, a complete renaissance mama, who doesn't exist but is made up of all the best bits. We hold ourselves up to this model when we feel low, and of course, could never compare with this invention!!! None of my friends can knit, garden, paint, bake, keep perfect house, spin wool, keep bees, be uber stylish, AND has obnoxiously well behaved kids 24/7!!!! I made that person up in my head!!!! SHE DOES NOT EXIST.
And when I think of it in those terms I start to feel a bit better. I remember that I can do some of these things, in turn, but not simultaneously. If I ignore other areas of my life and feel tip top, I too can have a perfectly tidy house, for a while. My kids can be angelic and intrinsically motivated to learn, when they are in a good space. One part of my lovely wild cottage garden is fantastic and thriving and I am super-proud of our humble veg-plot, the very thing I thought we couldn't achieve! Occasionally, for special occasions, I can scrub up ok, or even look quite nice! And when the chips are down, I have a capable and smiley hubba, who I know I can rely on to literally be my other half. We work together as a team: he is strong for me, when I feel weak. It swings both ways. When we both feel drained, we still work together instead of against each other. This helps us both to feel more whole. Occasionally I will make something crafty to give friends for their birthday or for Christmas, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes I bake a perfect cake or meal that is mega. And I am lucky to live in a beautiful house that many people would envy, even if it is a shit-tip most of the time!!! There are in fact a bunch of things I am pretty good at, when I take the time to appreciate them.
I don't need to be ALL these things at once, ALL the time, and I am feeling more at peace with this as the week has rolled on. I laughed to myself as I remembered the story of THE MIXED UP CHAMELION, so I thought I would include it here. If there ever was a story about accepting who you are and where your talents lie, this is it.
I feel more able, after reflecting this week, to really celebrate and feel inspired by the amazing multiple talents of my friends, and by the cyber mamas out there. I don't feel intimidated by their talents quite so much, I'm actually really glad that we are all different and inspiring at different times and in different ways. All us mamas do a fab job and are creative every day, in small ways and big. Hurray for diversity! Hurray for just being ourselves, and celebrating our own unique talents and skills!
XXX :-) XXX
Saturday, 28 May 2011
Saturday, 21 May 2011
No room for ego
Well I am still here in Brighton, and have completed three intense days of Doula Training, learning an amazing amount of stuff I didn't know.
I feel very lucky and privileged to have been able to learn in the way that I did, with the group of people who were studying with me. My tutor Valerie was formerly the head of Doula UK, so has REALLY extensive knowledge of the industry and what good Doula practise should look like. The other women taught me nearly as much, and the style in which we learnt was organic and multidimensional with everyone sharing their wisdom, questions, and even ignorances! I was staggered and humbled by how much I thought I knew, and how much I actually knew, on some topics. Having four children doesn't mean you are a birthing expert, by any means!!!
It was a really wonderful few days, and one of the simplest lessons that Valerie taught us all is that there is no room for ego in the Doula role. Being a Doula isn't an in-your-face cheerleading role. It isn't about advising and trying to a make the mother come round to your style of parenting. It's not about taking over the mother's role, it's about helping her stand on her own two feet, helping her reach her own, fully-informed decisions, and basically making yourself progressively less needed. It's also very much a role in which your influence can be like that of an NLP practitioner. Birth happens mostly in the brain, and since the brain is the control centre of the birth experience, helping a mother to be in a positive, optimum state of mind approaching birth can more useful than anything else you may do actually on the day.
How to help others in a gentle way is something I need to really reflect upon. When I say that, I mean that I will often try to help others in a way that applies for me, that worked for me, but this may be ABSOLUTELY wrong, even irrelevant, for the other person. It comes from a place of genuine compassion and I am a big believer in thinking positively to help change your situations and that a happy and robust state of mind can dramatically change our outlook and self-image. I know from my own life that it can be the most powerful tool in implementing change. But it is only half the picture. Genuinely helping others means looking from all perspectives and not just our own, however well meaning we may be. Being helpful may require a lot less of us than we think, and involves really using our ears, eyes and heart to listen, see, and feel, more than our mouths to jump in and advise. It's not about barging in thinking we have all the answers, because those answers may only be true for us.
Lots to chew on!
I feel very lucky and privileged to have been able to learn in the way that I did, with the group of people who were studying with me. My tutor Valerie was formerly the head of Doula UK, so has REALLY extensive knowledge of the industry and what good Doula practise should look like. The other women taught me nearly as much, and the style in which we learnt was organic and multidimensional with everyone sharing their wisdom, questions, and even ignorances! I was staggered and humbled by how much I thought I knew, and how much I actually knew, on some topics. Having four children doesn't mean you are a birthing expert, by any means!!!
It was a really wonderful few days, and one of the simplest lessons that Valerie taught us all is that there is no room for ego in the Doula role. Being a Doula isn't an in-your-face cheerleading role. It isn't about advising and trying to a make the mother come round to your style of parenting. It's not about taking over the mother's role, it's about helping her stand on her own two feet, helping her reach her own, fully-informed decisions, and basically making yourself progressively less needed. It's also very much a role in which your influence can be like that of an NLP practitioner. Birth happens mostly in the brain, and since the brain is the control centre of the birth experience, helping a mother to be in a positive, optimum state of mind approaching birth can more useful than anything else you may do actually on the day.
How to help others in a gentle way is something I need to really reflect upon. When I say that, I mean that I will often try to help others in a way that applies for me, that worked for me, but this may be ABSOLUTELY wrong, even irrelevant, for the other person. It comes from a place of genuine compassion and I am a big believer in thinking positively to help change your situations and that a happy and robust state of mind can dramatically change our outlook and self-image. I know from my own life that it can be the most powerful tool in implementing change. But it is only half the picture. Genuinely helping others means looking from all perspectives and not just our own, however well meaning we may be. Being helpful may require a lot less of us than we think, and involves really using our ears, eyes and heart to listen, see, and feel, more than our mouths to jump in and advise. It's not about barging in thinking we have all the answers, because those answers may only be true for us.
Lots to chew on!
Tuesday, 17 May 2011
Dare to dream.....
Tonight I am heading down to Brighton to realise a little dream that started as a seed. I watered the dream and nourished it, and it has grown.
Yes, tomorrow I start the next leg of my Doula training! I absolutely cannot wait.
You could say that I have been in training for this role for several years. Apart from my own experiences, I've hand held and counselled many a mummy, been to hospital in an ambulance with lights blazing, to comfort a fellow mother, also heavily pregnant, whilst we thought she was losing her baby. I've driven for hours at the drop of a hat to be near a first time mama, and do practical stuff for her, and comfort her in her hour of need. I'm always open to be a listening ear, to offer solace and advice, to share the ups and downs and in-betweens of the whole business of motherhood, in those raw days. I've had many a phone call with either me or another mama in tears, or both of us! Mama work is not easy, and it has it's pleasures and pains. Whether its triumph, exhaustion, elation, fear, a crushing sense of failure, overwhelm, or just pure delight - all are feelings I have exchanged with many women over the years.
Most people read novels for pleasure, my idea of light reading are books about birth! Ina May Gaskin - where would I be without you? Your gentle vision, understanding and faith in women's bodies has helped me understand so much. The example of all the women at The Farm, the shining faces and also the sad stories where folks have lost their babies, have been soaking into my heart, soul and mind from the pages of Spiritual Midwifery and Ina Mays guide to childbirth and left an imprint forever. I cannot underestimate how much those women and men have helped form my sense of what a Doula should be.
My husband is perhaps the most important of all - he has always always been the calm, telepathic rock when it comes to birth-time. He has always set the tone, listening to me with his ears, eyes and heart, never being overbearing, panicky or out of his depth. He has co-created energy fields that could overcome the fussing and faffing midwives or obstetricians who have attended to me at times, leaving me free to birth without fear or inhibition. We have been through four births together, and one miscarriage, and he has never let me down. Maybe the best Doula training I have had so far has come from him.
I have already learnt so much! And yet I feel like I still know so little. It is humbling to think that I have barely touched the tip of the iceberg, four babies down the line. There is always more to know and learn, new mistakes to be made and new realisations to be struck upon!!!
After having such a hard time with the rather backwards medical establishment in the fenland area where I live, it will be refreshing to talk over my experiences with some enlightened souls down in Brighton. None of my witchy birthing oils, herbs or ideas will be too weird or whacky for those dear women I don't suppose! I can't wait to learn from them, to have my mind and heart opened ever further on this Doula path which I tread.
Now here's the crazy thing - I don't even know how I can practise as a Doula and home Ed full time,since I would need some very flexible childcare at the drop of a hat - not just anyone would do for such a job. Home educated kids would still need to be...well....educated. Not usually what a childminder would be expected to do. But such things will take care of themselves when the time is right. Doula work is not exactly anywhere near a full time or even part- time role, and here in the fens I don't suppose there will be queues of ladies who would want such a thing as a Doula. This will be as part- time as it gets, but my commitment during that time to a woman in my care will have to be 100%. I don't know how this will work just yet, but I am sticking to the old adage that where there is a will, there will be a way!
There might not be much posting this week, since besides the Doula training, I will be hanging out with my god- daughter Miss Betty Dare, and Ma and Pa Dare, and also little Miss Nina and her Ma and Pa, and then I have some hen-do shenanigans going on over the weekend, so I am being really spoilt this week.
Fun, fun, fun!!!
Have a great week!
Yes, tomorrow I start the next leg of my Doula training! I absolutely cannot wait.
You could say that I have been in training for this role for several years. Apart from my own experiences, I've hand held and counselled many a mummy, been to hospital in an ambulance with lights blazing, to comfort a fellow mother, also heavily pregnant, whilst we thought she was losing her baby. I've driven for hours at the drop of a hat to be near a first time mama, and do practical stuff for her, and comfort her in her hour of need. I'm always open to be a listening ear, to offer solace and advice, to share the ups and downs and in-betweens of the whole business of motherhood, in those raw days. I've had many a phone call with either me or another mama in tears, or both of us! Mama work is not easy, and it has it's pleasures and pains. Whether its triumph, exhaustion, elation, fear, a crushing sense of failure, overwhelm, or just pure delight - all are feelings I have exchanged with many women over the years.
Most people read novels for pleasure, my idea of light reading are books about birth! Ina May Gaskin - where would I be without you? Your gentle vision, understanding and faith in women's bodies has helped me understand so much. The example of all the women at The Farm, the shining faces and also the sad stories where folks have lost their babies, have been soaking into my heart, soul and mind from the pages of Spiritual Midwifery and Ina Mays guide to childbirth and left an imprint forever. I cannot underestimate how much those women and men have helped form my sense of what a Doula should be.
My husband is perhaps the most important of all - he has always always been the calm, telepathic rock when it comes to birth-time. He has always set the tone, listening to me with his ears, eyes and heart, never being overbearing, panicky or out of his depth. He has co-created energy fields that could overcome the fussing and faffing midwives or obstetricians who have attended to me at times, leaving me free to birth without fear or inhibition. We have been through four births together, and one miscarriage, and he has never let me down. Maybe the best Doula training I have had so far has come from him.
I have already learnt so much! And yet I feel like I still know so little. It is humbling to think that I have barely touched the tip of the iceberg, four babies down the line. There is always more to know and learn, new mistakes to be made and new realisations to be struck upon!!!
After having such a hard time with the rather backwards medical establishment in the fenland area where I live, it will be refreshing to talk over my experiences with some enlightened souls down in Brighton. None of my witchy birthing oils, herbs or ideas will be too weird or whacky for those dear women I don't suppose! I can't wait to learn from them, to have my mind and heart opened ever further on this Doula path which I tread.
Now here's the crazy thing - I don't even know how I can practise as a Doula and home Ed full time,since I would need some very flexible childcare at the drop of a hat - not just anyone would do for such a job. Home educated kids would still need to be...well....educated. Not usually what a childminder would be expected to do. But such things will take care of themselves when the time is right. Doula work is not exactly anywhere near a full time or even part- time role, and here in the fens I don't suppose there will be queues of ladies who would want such a thing as a Doula. This will be as part- time as it gets, but my commitment during that time to a woman in my care will have to be 100%. I don't know how this will work just yet, but I am sticking to the old adage that where there is a will, there will be a way!
There might not be much posting this week, since besides the Doula training, I will be hanging out with my god- daughter Miss Betty Dare, and Ma and Pa Dare, and also little Miss Nina and her Ma and Pa, and then I have some hen-do shenanigans going on over the weekend, so I am being really spoilt this week.
Fun, fun, fun!!!
Have a great week!
Wednesday, 11 May 2011
Legs, bums and Buddha bellies
Ok I have been thinking about the fact that I have billed this here blog as being somewhere to talk about homeschooling, doula/birthy stuff and alternative health. So far no mention of the latter.
Well all that is about to change.
Inspired by pixiemama's Counch to 5k endeavours, I too am flexing and getting myself in better shape. I abso-feckin-lootely HATE gyms though. The whole concept brings me out in hives.
But dance....ah, dance I can do. I can do it whilst I am washing up. I can do it with a toddler on my hip. I can have an absolute blast with the kids as we jive, shake our booties, get our freak on, and work up a sweat! And I can do these in a gypsy skirt - hurray! - no trainers or equipment needed - just space to let it all hang out.
Boogie-woogie, afro-funk, flamenco, rock-a-billy, hill-billy fever. It doesn't matter. We do a musical, global, time-travelling journey around the world, getting a PE and geography/culture lesson all thrown into one wild life-affirming frenzy!
Here are the rules:
Well all that is about to change.
Inspired by pixiemama's Counch to 5k endeavours, I too am flexing and getting myself in better shape. I abso-feckin-lootely HATE gyms though. The whole concept brings me out in hives.
But dance....ah, dance I can do. I can do it whilst I am washing up. I can do it with a toddler on my hip. I can have an absolute blast with the kids as we jive, shake our booties, get our freak on, and work up a sweat! And I can do these in a gypsy skirt - hurray! - no trainers or equipment needed - just space to let it all hang out.
Boogie-woogie, afro-funk, flamenco, rock-a-billy, hill-billy fever. It doesn't matter. We do a musical, global, time-travelling journey around the world, getting a PE and geography/culture lesson all thrown into one wild life-affirming frenzy!
Here are the rules:
- Seriously shake your booty, mama! You can dance like a flapper girl, jive, belly dance, waltz, swing, be a whirling dervish, have a hoe down.... whatever floats your boat. It's all good.
- Wear leggings or a skirt that was just MADE for dancing.
- Have a large glass of water nearby and have sips/glugs at regular intervals. After breakfast and before lunch is the optimum time as it sets you up for the day.
- Do movements that involve lifting your arms above your head for at least some of the time. Same goes for lifting your knees up, and get your legs as high up off the ground as you can manage without hurting yourself.
- It has to be foot stomping, heart-racing music that gives you and the kids a thrill and makes you all glad to be alive. Whatever you do, don't listen to shite excercise musak.
- Start gently, then work your way up, so you don't hurt yourself.
Here are some kickin' tunes that will hopefully bring you as much joy and pleasure as they bring me and mine.
To start, some Nina Simone. This is obviously slower than the recent remix. But I LOVE it. Check out her earrings!
Next, ramping it up a bit with this amazing tune, that sounds like Nina Simone but isn't!
Warmed up a bit now? Check out Hail to the Chief on this ZULUROSE podcast list. Winter cool down mix was my soundtrack to being preggie with Alf, but Hail to the Chief is the biz for a good booty shake. But they are all darn good.
Ok, here is just one more for you, which looks pretty good although I haven't listened to it as a set, but rather zoomed through to check out the tracks. Looks purty good, except for the rather boring intro.
Would love to hear what you are getting your freak on to. Anyone got any good podcasts they'd like to share?
Tuesday, 10 May 2011
Hurray, Feet on the Ground gets technicolourific!
Bean poles, waiting to support our new bean plants
A slice of summery sky and earthbound domesticity
Me, with the sun in my eyes
Watch this space for pics of the rest of the family when I figure out where the lead from my phone has gotten to!
Oh waistline, where art thou?
Ah, the little Buddha belly. I wear it like a badge that says, in CAPITAL LETTERS " Hey! I have absolutely no self control!" I have steadily been growing it over winter along with my husband. We grew them together. Love is.....eh? We munched our way through the dark months with little pots of Gu, home- made cake, and a growing lack of self- regard and control. Together we'd eat yummy things to cheer ourselves up, to compensate for the lack of a hip and happening social life ( Bit tricky with four cubs in tow). And if one or both of us was eating a little teeny bit too much we'd affectionately tease each other and ourselves, with a little grunty oink. Oh the shame, the shame. And now the season of weddings and meeting up with lots of old friends will be upon us very soon, and last time this happened I was feeling pretty fab, having lost four stone, and sporting a definite badge of "Oh yeah! Oh yeah! I have conquered my greed. I am the embodiment of SELF CONTROL! I actually have an almost flat tummy!"
Now I know that having had four babies a lot of people would cut me a huge load of slack on the belly front. Or they'd say " ah shut up, eat some more cake! Life's too short!" Indeed life is too short. I don't want to be deleting myself out of every family picture from now till eternity. So I MUST stop with the munching. And I write this as someone who is dieting quite successfully, but craving cake. Yesterday was hard. I wanted some of the home- made carrot cake I had lovingly made for the kids. That was a real test. I wanted it so badly.
I nibbled at the crumbs on the edge of their plate. I was good, but it took every fibre of my brain and will not to wolf that cake such was it's tantalising, mesmerising, power.
Computer time is another area where I need to get some perspective and cut back. Something weird happens with computers - cyber time gets warped and bent - an hour of cyber time feels like 15 minutes in real time....so easy to lose a couple of hours on there thinking it's just an hour. Sneaky sneaky computer! My self- restraint in that area is no better. " Paula, the house is on fire " says my husband. " that's nice darling" says I, still transfixed by the shiny portal, the glowing screen....
Ah, balance, balance, balance. What art thou? You seem to evade me. When I have you licked in one area of my life, you escape from another part of it.
Now I know that having had four babies a lot of people would cut me a huge load of slack on the belly front. Or they'd say " ah shut up, eat some more cake! Life's too short!" Indeed life is too short. I don't want to be deleting myself out of every family picture from now till eternity. So I MUST stop with the munching. And I write this as someone who is dieting quite successfully, but craving cake. Yesterday was hard. I wanted some of the home- made carrot cake I had lovingly made for the kids. That was a real test. I wanted it so badly.
I nibbled at the crumbs on the edge of their plate. I was good, but it took every fibre of my brain and will not to wolf that cake such was it's tantalising, mesmerising, power.
Computer time is another area where I need to get some perspective and cut back. Something weird happens with computers - cyber time gets warped and bent - an hour of cyber time feels like 15 minutes in real time....so easy to lose a couple of hours on there thinking it's just an hour. Sneaky sneaky computer! My self- restraint in that area is no better. " Paula, the house is on fire " says my husband. " that's nice darling" says I, still transfixed by the shiny portal, the glowing screen....
Ah, balance, balance, balance. What art thou? You seem to evade me. When I have you licked in one area of my life, you escape from another part of it.
Sunday, 8 May 2011
But what about exams?
As a home educating parent, I am often asked the same questions over and over again. It's a bit like being permanently heavily pregnant, when strangers generally are likely to strike up a conversation with you asking a rather predictable set of questions or make the same observations. When pregnant it's usually "when are you due? or " how long have you got to go?" or in my case it always seemed to be " Ooh you've got your hands full".
I know, people are making polite conversation. But it is shocking how little is known or understood about home education in general. Many people still actually think it is illegal, or at least, that you can only do it to the end of primary level. People often genuinely haven't the faintest idea about what home educators are allowed to do. The government doesn't exactly advertise or promote the option. They seem to treat it as an unfortunate loop-hole that only those pesky freethinking rebels are wily enough to get away with. As each of my children have approached school age I have NEVER received anything other than an offer of a school place from the education authority, in language that clearly assumes, or even asserts, that this is your one and only option. Never any mention of home Ed, never any discussion or offer of information or help. Nope, it is totally up to you to be in the know, and for too many parents, the option only presents itself after their child has spent an unnecessarily painful and miserable period in school, which could have been avoided. Many parents find out by accident.
So what is the deal with home Ed?
Contrary to popular belief, you do not need to be a trained teacher or have a degree. Surprisingly, all the school-teachers who have become home educators that I know, actually talk about the liberation that home Ed has brought them and how they actually try to do the exact opposite of what they have been trained. They often have the hardest time initially de-schooling, having been taught to value academic achievement above all other kinds. Spending a lot of time with your children and being in tune with their needs is enough. How did your child learn to crawl, walk, talk, or run? Because they wanted and needed to, and it was modelled by those around them. Utterly naturally, no university degree needed to teach your kids these. And yet, we know that if someone suffers a stroke, these basic skills of walking and talking are extremely challenging and difficult to re-learn, they involve a massive amount of effort and frustration. It stand to reason therefore that in general, learning occurs completely naturally if you scaffold and support it, but there is no need to be an expert in advance. Children can learn to read, write, self- teach themselves all sorts of things in the same way they mostly taught themselves to walk and talk. They may stumble and fall over a lot, but through sheer need and determination they achieve their goal, in the same way we did when we learnt to walk and talk. As adults, we know how easily we learn something we desire to know. We are spongy and receptive and wide eyed. Kids are no different.
You don't legally have to follow the national curriculum. Nope, you are required to provide an education which is fitting to the child's age and aptitude, but other than that, there are no specifications. Living life fully is curriculum enough for me and mine.My kids learn in the classroom of the whole world from real life situations. From interesting people. From Books. Audiotapes. Cd-roms. Tv/ Dvds/ Documentaries. The Internet. Learning by doing. Trial and error. From friends, neighbours, family members,museum curators, enthusiasts, writers, puppeteers, stall-holders, plumbers, builders, the post-lady, bakers, teachers of various random things - ukulele, street dance, archery, animation, ballet, gymnastics, tae- kwon do. Even random strangers who we get talking to. A huge spectrum resources, and mixing with people who have massively different personalities. How much more broad and balanced could you get?
Ok another thing people often assume is that Home Educated children don't have as good a social life as schooled children. Here's the thing. I will agree that home educated kids don't have the same daily exposure to lots of other kids exactly their same age. But who says this is necessarily an ideal or even very realistic model of socialisation for later life? Adults don't arrange themselves into groups of other people simply by the accident of being exactly the same age as them, do they? It seems socially more responsible to expose children to a wider spectrum of folks in their daily lives, not simply an 'us' and 'them' of kids and teachers/ adults in general. The adults in a home educated child's life are generally engaging with them in a more meaningful way, for more concentrated periods of full- attention, than say a teacher who has to spread themselves out between 10- 30 kids. Home educated kids days are interspersed with moments of free- play or self- study that tend to reflect their needs in real-time. True, home Ed kids rarely play with 20 other kids, every day of the week. But is that necessarily a bad thing? Friendships in school are often tenuous and volatile, children often have to behave in a way that goes against their true nature, simply to fit in or not be picked on, and there are bullies who can make ones waking life a misery. Unhappy children are scientifically proven to find it harder to concentrate and assimilate information, so school can actually, in some cases, be damaging for one's social development, self- esteem, and intellectual development. I would rather my children had a core of solid friendships with folks they saw once a week or sometimes two or more times weekly and have a strong sense of friendship with ALL in their lives. Including adults. Home Ed meet- ups are buzzing, vibrant get togethers with children of all ages playing together and there is much less pre-occupation with single- sex ganging up together. Teenagers carry toddlers and babies around with them, adults will sometimes join in with a game the kids are having, generally everyone plays and chats and problems between children are nipped in the bud straight away, with adults and older and wiser children offering solutions to younger ones who are having some issue.
Exams. Not strictly necessary. Not a legal requirement. They CAN be very useful. They are also bloomin' expensive, since we have to fork out for them ourselves. Very generous of the government to tax my husband and use the money to pay for other children's education, and then ask us to shell out for our own, at a much higher rate than schools are charged! Yep, basically you are on your own financially for home Ed and exams are VERY expensive. On the plus side, your child can sit exams earlier or later than schooled peers, when they are ready. They can also study for a wider range/ combination of exams than is possible at school. But if home educated folks can get into places like Cambridge uni on the strength of their interview and can demonstrate their utter devotion to a subject, I have hope that there are means and ways to get where you want to be without 10 Gcse's and 3 A'levels. I think the clever way to approach exams is to cherry pick those that your child really needs to get to the next level of where they want to go. It does good to remember that many self- made successes are often those who have succeeded in spite of school, not because of it, and have gotten where they are today by grit, personality, risk taking and the ability to think outside the box.
Now please don't think I write any of this here to undermine the intellectual capacity of those mamas reading this, who send their children to school. In no way is this blog post a dig at your choices. We all do what instinctively feels best for our kiddos, using the best of our abilities of reasoning and working our own personal circumstances to the advantage of our own brood. I do not think that those who send their children to school are bad mamas! No way Jose!
But I do feel a little sad that so little is understood about home Ed by the public at large. That there is so much misinformation, so many misconceptions, pre- conceptions and so on.
Your kid may go to the loveliest school ever with amazing teachers. I do not seek to put your choice down.
I'm simply mindful and thankful that we at least have the option of another way. That this way works really beautifully for us. That we have the option of sending the children to school in future, should that feel like the right thing to do. But for now, the kids are living free, and I celebrate and am in constant amazement at this wonderful international movement called home Ed that we are so very lucky and priviledged to be a part of.
I know, people are making polite conversation. But it is shocking how little is known or understood about home education in general. Many people still actually think it is illegal, or at least, that you can only do it to the end of primary level. People often genuinely haven't the faintest idea about what home educators are allowed to do. The government doesn't exactly advertise or promote the option. They seem to treat it as an unfortunate loop-hole that only those pesky freethinking rebels are wily enough to get away with. As each of my children have approached school age I have NEVER received anything other than an offer of a school place from the education authority, in language that clearly assumes, or even asserts, that this is your one and only option. Never any mention of home Ed, never any discussion or offer of information or help. Nope, it is totally up to you to be in the know, and for too many parents, the option only presents itself after their child has spent an unnecessarily painful and miserable period in school, which could have been avoided. Many parents find out by accident.
So what is the deal with home Ed?
Contrary to popular belief, you do not need to be a trained teacher or have a degree. Surprisingly, all the school-teachers who have become home educators that I know, actually talk about the liberation that home Ed has brought them and how they actually try to do the exact opposite of what they have been trained. They often have the hardest time initially de-schooling, having been taught to value academic achievement above all other kinds. Spending a lot of time with your children and being in tune with their needs is enough. How did your child learn to crawl, walk, talk, or run? Because they wanted and needed to, and it was modelled by those around them. Utterly naturally, no university degree needed to teach your kids these. And yet, we know that if someone suffers a stroke, these basic skills of walking and talking are extremely challenging and difficult to re-learn, they involve a massive amount of effort and frustration. It stand to reason therefore that in general, learning occurs completely naturally if you scaffold and support it, but there is no need to be an expert in advance. Children can learn to read, write, self- teach themselves all sorts of things in the same way they mostly taught themselves to walk and talk. They may stumble and fall over a lot, but through sheer need and determination they achieve their goal, in the same way we did when we learnt to walk and talk. As adults, we know how easily we learn something we desire to know. We are spongy and receptive and wide eyed. Kids are no different.
You don't legally have to follow the national curriculum. Nope, you are required to provide an education which is fitting to the child's age and aptitude, but other than that, there are no specifications. Living life fully is curriculum enough for me and mine.My kids learn in the classroom of the whole world from real life situations. From interesting people. From Books. Audiotapes. Cd-roms. Tv/ Dvds/ Documentaries. The Internet. Learning by doing. Trial and error. From friends, neighbours, family members,museum curators, enthusiasts, writers, puppeteers, stall-holders, plumbers, builders, the post-lady, bakers, teachers of various random things - ukulele, street dance, archery, animation, ballet, gymnastics, tae- kwon do. Even random strangers who we get talking to. A huge spectrum resources, and mixing with people who have massively different personalities. How much more broad and balanced could you get?
Ok another thing people often assume is that Home Educated children don't have as good a social life as schooled children. Here's the thing. I will agree that home educated kids don't have the same daily exposure to lots of other kids exactly their same age. But who says this is necessarily an ideal or even very realistic model of socialisation for later life? Adults don't arrange themselves into groups of other people simply by the accident of being exactly the same age as them, do they? It seems socially more responsible to expose children to a wider spectrum of folks in their daily lives, not simply an 'us' and 'them' of kids and teachers/ adults in general. The adults in a home educated child's life are generally engaging with them in a more meaningful way, for more concentrated periods of full- attention, than say a teacher who has to spread themselves out between 10- 30 kids. Home educated kids days are interspersed with moments of free- play or self- study that tend to reflect their needs in real-time. True, home Ed kids rarely play with 20 other kids, every day of the week. But is that necessarily a bad thing? Friendships in school are often tenuous and volatile, children often have to behave in a way that goes against their true nature, simply to fit in or not be picked on, and there are bullies who can make ones waking life a misery. Unhappy children are scientifically proven to find it harder to concentrate and assimilate information, so school can actually, in some cases, be damaging for one's social development, self- esteem, and intellectual development. I would rather my children had a core of solid friendships with folks they saw once a week or sometimes two or more times weekly and have a strong sense of friendship with ALL in their lives. Including adults. Home Ed meet- ups are buzzing, vibrant get togethers with children of all ages playing together and there is much less pre-occupation with single- sex ganging up together. Teenagers carry toddlers and babies around with them, adults will sometimes join in with a game the kids are having, generally everyone plays and chats and problems between children are nipped in the bud straight away, with adults and older and wiser children offering solutions to younger ones who are having some issue.
Exams. Not strictly necessary. Not a legal requirement. They CAN be very useful. They are also bloomin' expensive, since we have to fork out for them ourselves. Very generous of the government to tax my husband and use the money to pay for other children's education, and then ask us to shell out for our own, at a much higher rate than schools are charged! Yep, basically you are on your own financially for home Ed and exams are VERY expensive. On the plus side, your child can sit exams earlier or later than schooled peers, when they are ready. They can also study for a wider range/ combination of exams than is possible at school. But if home educated folks can get into places like Cambridge uni on the strength of their interview and can demonstrate their utter devotion to a subject, I have hope that there are means and ways to get where you want to be without 10 Gcse's and 3 A'levels. I think the clever way to approach exams is to cherry pick those that your child really needs to get to the next level of where they want to go. It does good to remember that many self- made successes are often those who have succeeded in spite of school, not because of it, and have gotten where they are today by grit, personality, risk taking and the ability to think outside the box.
Now please don't think I write any of this here to undermine the intellectual capacity of those mamas reading this, who send their children to school. In no way is this blog post a dig at your choices. We all do what instinctively feels best for our kiddos, using the best of our abilities of reasoning and working our own personal circumstances to the advantage of our own brood. I do not think that those who send their children to school are bad mamas! No way Jose!
But I do feel a little sad that so little is understood about home Ed by the public at large. That there is so much misinformation, so many misconceptions, pre- conceptions and so on.
Your kid may go to the loveliest school ever with amazing teachers. I do not seek to put your choice down.
I'm simply mindful and thankful that we at least have the option of another way. That this way works really beautifully for us. That we have the option of sending the children to school in future, should that feel like the right thing to do. But for now, the kids are living free, and I celebrate and am in constant amazement at this wonderful international movement called home Ed that we are so very lucky and priviledged to be a part of.
Thursday, 5 May 2011
35.....Things that make me happy
Well hello. How are you?
Today I am celebrating my 35th birthday. I am feeling pretty good. I am just a few pageviews shy of the big 500, so am thrilled that you folks seem to like the blog. I am LOVING it too - really enjoying the feedback, the private emails and all sorts of buzz and appreciation and love from you. Thank you! My head has started to swell just a little! It's a great feeling, especially since the last year was really tough and I was so heartbroken following the deaths of two dear ones.
So anyway, I thought since I am 35, that I'd write a wee list of my 35 fave things. Actually they may not be exactly, as I'm sure I'll think of more, but here are those I have the brains to think of right now....
35 things that make me happy
My wonderful husband. He is Top Banana, the bees knees, the BEST.
My four bright inspirations, Finn, Herbie, Indie and Alf. They teach me sooo much, and are full of love and life.
My crazy family at large. Love you all LOADS. Mrs. Sandy-pants Tahzima especially!!!
My friends. Mad and brilliant and groovy each in their own different ways.
My fluffy bearded collie, Martha.
Home Ed.
Birth.
Flora n Fauna.
Freewheelin'.
Cake.
Birds.
Breath-taking views.
Books, books, books.
Lush.
Poland.
Morocco.
Ina May Gaskin.
Weekends with friends.
Betty Dare.
Floral patterns.
My garden.
A uniform-free lifestyle.
Devendra Banhart.
Strawberries and Cream.
Our new Bell Tent.
Adventures in our campervan.
Hand-made fabric things of beauty.
Birthdays.
Pete's home-made Mojitos.
Elizabeth Mitchell. (The musician, not the actress)
JUNO.
Brian Cox.
The Mighty Boosh.
Beck.
Woody Guthrie.
And here's a little song for everyone, which I have been singing a lot lately :-)
Today I am celebrating my 35th birthday. I am feeling pretty good. I am just a few pageviews shy of the big 500, so am thrilled that you folks seem to like the blog. I am LOVING it too - really enjoying the feedback, the private emails and all sorts of buzz and appreciation and love from you. Thank you! My head has started to swell just a little! It's a great feeling, especially since the last year was really tough and I was so heartbroken following the deaths of two dear ones.
So anyway, I thought since I am 35, that I'd write a wee list of my 35 fave things. Actually they may not be exactly, as I'm sure I'll think of more, but here are those I have the brains to think of right now....
35 things that make me happy
My wonderful husband. He is Top Banana, the bees knees, the BEST.
My four bright inspirations, Finn, Herbie, Indie and Alf. They teach me sooo much, and are full of love and life.
My crazy family at large. Love you all LOADS. Mrs. Sandy-pants Tahzima especially!!!
My friends. Mad and brilliant and groovy each in their own different ways.
My fluffy bearded collie, Martha.
Home Ed.
Birth.
Flora n Fauna.
Freewheelin'.
Cake.
Birds.
Breath-taking views.
Books, books, books.
Lush.
Poland.
Morocco.
Ina May Gaskin.
Weekends with friends.
Betty Dare.
Floral patterns.
My garden.
A uniform-free lifestyle.
Devendra Banhart.
Strawberries and Cream.
Our new Bell Tent.
Adventures in our campervan.
Hand-made fabric things of beauty.
Birthdays.
Pete's home-made Mojitos.
Elizabeth Mitchell. (The musician, not the actress)
JUNO.
Brian Cox.
The Mighty Boosh.
Beck.
Woody Guthrie.
And here's a little song for everyone, which I have been singing a lot lately :-)
Tuesday, 3 May 2011
Wonderful world, beautiful people
Hey, beautiful people.
Check out my latest article on Homeschooling-ideas.com's brand new blog!
Read my mega-list of inspiring people and find out why I think people are one of the greatest resources in my home-ed school-kit.
http://blog.homeschooling-ideas.com/wonderful-world-beautiful-people/
Hope you're having a good day :-)
Check out my latest article on Homeschooling-ideas.com's brand new blog!
Read my mega-list of inspiring people and find out why I think people are one of the greatest resources in my home-ed school-kit.
http://blog.homeschooling-ideas.com/wonderful-world-beautiful-people/
Hope you're having a good day :-)
Sunday, 1 May 2011
Born Free
Ever seen the movie Born Free?
Well we have slowly been making our way through Lovefilm's entire collection of tear-jerky, true animal movies just lately. Fly away home. The adventures of Greyfriars Bobby. That kind of thing. And then Born Free/ Living Free ( The sequel to BF ) dropped onto our doormat the other day. I vaguely remembered from my childhood that it was a story about Elsa the lion, and it had an epic theme tune. That was about it.
So we sat down for a double bill and made an afternoon of it.
Oh my good God. I have realised that I am the embodiment of Joy Adamson in home educating form. I was laughing my head off throughout the film seeing the parallels between us both.
There she is with these cute cubs, going (sad face) "Oh pleeaaase George (Pete) can't we keep them? They are just sooo ADORABLE!"
And she gets her own way and so the mayhem begins! Except in my case, it turns out my cubs are actually human children. Four of them. All boys.
It all starts quite gently and having lions in your home seems like a do-able option. At first the little critters are simply knocking drinks over, or climbing on the furniture.... That kind of thing.But in no time at at they are bigger, and start gnashing things, giving visitors the evil eye and defecating in inappropriate places. Sounds familiar! Then comes the full- blown zoo-at-home, when the wee darlings are getting not just Big for their pussy-cat boots, but completely taking over the gaffe and acting like the Rolling Stones at Villa Nellcote.
And when Joy finally, after patiently enduring the destruction of her house, says something like "Oh George, why don't we move them out of the house?" I find myself thinking "Dammit that woman is a GENIUS!".
George sets to work building a new door frame complete with heavy-duty lion-proof mesh to keep the feline hooligans out. I am mentally taking notes.
And good old Joy resists sending them to the zoo at every turn. Everyone tells her she is nuts. That these lions belong in a zoo, not in the wild. Is she crazy? Hell yeah!
And then comes all the trialling and erroring of getting them to successfully mate, and not get shot, or eaten by other baddie lions, and not die in the wilderness when released. The worry and stress of it all!!!
I have all that ahead of me. But for now, I am measuring up the door frames and eyeing up the garden, wondering if they could fend for themselves .... Pete thinks they are definitely old enough, but I dunno.... Alf is only 2..... But I am tempted.....
Well we have slowly been making our way through Lovefilm's entire collection of tear-jerky, true animal movies just lately. Fly away home. The adventures of Greyfriars Bobby. That kind of thing. And then Born Free/ Living Free ( The sequel to BF ) dropped onto our doormat the other day. I vaguely remembered from my childhood that it was a story about Elsa the lion, and it had an epic theme tune. That was about it.
So we sat down for a double bill and made an afternoon of it.
Oh my good God. I have realised that I am the embodiment of Joy Adamson in home educating form. I was laughing my head off throughout the film seeing the parallels between us both.
There she is with these cute cubs, going (sad face) "Oh pleeaaase George (Pete) can't we keep them? They are just sooo ADORABLE!"
And she gets her own way and so the mayhem begins! Except in my case, it turns out my cubs are actually human children. Four of them. All boys.
It all starts quite gently and having lions in your home seems like a do-able option. At first the little critters are simply knocking drinks over, or climbing on the furniture.... That kind of thing.But in no time at at they are bigger, and start gnashing things, giving visitors the evil eye and defecating in inappropriate places. Sounds familiar! Then comes the full- blown zoo-at-home, when the wee darlings are getting not just Big for their pussy-cat boots, but completely taking over the gaffe and acting like the Rolling Stones at Villa Nellcote.
And when Joy finally, after patiently enduring the destruction of her house, says something like "Oh George, why don't we move them out of the house?" I find myself thinking "Dammit that woman is a GENIUS!".
George sets to work building a new door frame complete with heavy-duty lion-proof mesh to keep the feline hooligans out. I am mentally taking notes.
And good old Joy resists sending them to the zoo at every turn. Everyone tells her she is nuts. That these lions belong in a zoo, not in the wild. Is she crazy? Hell yeah!
And then comes all the trialling and erroring of getting them to successfully mate, and not get shot, or eaten by other baddie lions, and not die in the wilderness when released. The worry and stress of it all!!!
I have all that ahead of me. But for now, I am measuring up the door frames and eyeing up the garden, wondering if they could fend for themselves .... Pete thinks they are definitely old enough, but I dunno.... Alf is only 2..... But I am tempted.....
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