Thursday 9 February 2012

Off your tits in the birth room? Is it possible without drugs?

When I set up this blog I vaguely remember promising to talk about doula and birth stuff and since this here blog was never meant to be a straight up show-and-tell of our home ed journey, I hope you don't mind me straying into that part of my life for this post.

If you'd rather read about my other stuff or are offended by birth talk, you may want to skip this post. I promise there'll be a return to my other home ed stuff soon. Don't go away!

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The longer I study, listen, watch and learn about the process of birth, the more mysterious it becomes. I am in awe of this amazing process. Births are a science unto themselves, so it would seem! I have read so many books this last year, watched endless documentaries and birth films, and friends around me have been having babies too. I want to talk a little about some of the conclusions I have drawn so far.

You might want to make a cuppa. I bang on a bit.

Birthing truth number 1:

I think that perhaps the most useful preparation leading up to the birth is *clearing the air* or in other words, getting shit off your chest. Riding the waves of labour are hurdle enough without extra baggage weighing you down. Talking out all your fears, expressing your angers, frustrations, and so on with your partner. Being clear and open with each other about what pisses you off about each other, and trying to get into a peaceful space with them. Birthing energy moves better when two partners are mentally making love, even just on an emotional level, throughout the birth. When both partners are getting psychic with each other, are not fighting each other, the birth energy flows well. When there is antagonism, bitterness, unspoken shit between them, it seems to flow all over the place. Touching, massaging and kissing are all good. But it all has to be done with heart, not perfunctorily, otherwise it's not going to help but will in fact hinder and annoy the birthing mother! If you can't get high off the synergy between you and your partner, you may want some other people at your birth who you feel completely at ease with, who make you laugh, who will help the energy flow well. Sometimes your partner is great but you want the extra company and reassurance of females - in some cultures, birth is a right old party!

Birthing truth number 2:

The more painful you expect birth to be, the more painful it is. You would be totally forgiven for thinking all births are an emergency waiting to happen, painfully screamy dramas, as that's all we ever see on TV and since hospitals make birth so damn hard to do well, a lot of women end up having that kind of birth. And they don't really need to. When a woman is surrounded by other women who have a positive, empowering, gentle experience of birth, they tend to think less in terms of risk. Risk is all when birth is discussed by medical professionals. They view birth solely in these terms and it scares the shit out of women ("Cos they're profesionals, right, so they know best? Don't they?) Women have become so scared of their own bodies, so afraid of their own capabilities, of their strength, of the chemical reactions our amazing bodies are capable of.

Birthing truth number 3:

If we submit to medical protocol, policy, and dictat, often we talk ourselves out of what might have been a beautiful birth. It's just a case of having the right professionals on your side, who have a can-do approach to births outside the ridiculous tick list of 'norms' which they have devised. Any woman who is a deviation from the norm list is basically seen as a nuisance, so if you are in any way different from the norm, you will have to fight for the birth you would like. If you are overdue by their dates (even when you know their dates are bullshit), if you are presenting in a breech position, if you are carrying more than one baby, oh a whole list of conditions which they freak over. And none of these are really *that* freaky. They've just forgotten how to care for idiosyncrasies in the spectrum of women because it's inconvenient to treat women as individuals when they don't fit neatly into their boxes and timescales. They're too busy, too overcrowded, to respect and revere each individual labour as something magic, as having a rhythm and timing that more often than not, is perfectly normal. So many women go under the knife un-necessarily just to keep that conveyor belt labour ward moving along at a pace that suits them. It's not the birthing mother or the midwives fault, they're caught up in it all with an arsenal of drugs and interventions for every slight deviation. If I were birthing on my back whilst sapped to monitors for endless hours I too would be begging for the knife.

How many births could have gone differently if a wise doctor had said "no problem"? If midwives were able to spend more time on the relationship they have with the woman they're helping, time to build up trust, a connection, heart-to-heart, woman-to-woman? Instead of counting birth exclusively in centimeters, numbers, heart rates - birth can also be monitored in emotional terms, by recognising changes in her body and voice to feel her in an intuitive sense rather than with rubber gloves, up the fanny. (Relaxing, huh?)  It is perhaps wiser to notice the effect on the mother when certain people enter the birth space (negatively or positively), what positions she finds comfortable or uncomfortable, allowing her to eat/sleep/move about as freely as possible. Allowing gravity to do its magic instead of insisting that she lay on her back * THE WORST BIRTHING POSITION EVER* for fuck's sake?

Birthing truth number 4:

Did you know that undisturbed birth is generally the safest model? You wouldn't think so huh? The way your doc and the media go on about it. But to be able to do that means either living in an indigenous culture where birth is not feared or talked about exclusively in risk terms, using risk language and risk terminology every step of the way.....or....if you live in western society you will instead need to invest some time boning up on the chemical powerhouse that is actually going on in your body whilst you labour. In undisturbed birth our bodies actually sequence the drugs we need by dispensing them naturally to us, at the right dosage. They are in fact more powerful than any synthetics if we're talking pain relief. But no-one makes a buck out of that, right? So that's why they don't talk too much about that one at your check-ups (what a rude term anyway, who invented that- makes you feel on edge doesn't it, to think you are being "checked up' on?) Ditto it's not exactly promoted at ante natal classes either. Natural birthers are seen as some hardcore freaks, but in fact it is possible for most of us if we open our minds. And because we are scared out of our wits by all the scary tv programmes and negative messages we've been told about birth, we clam up. We clench and feel on edge. And then we really do need the drugs because we are handled in such environments that are too NOISY for all our senses to allow our own drugs to flow. The bright lights, the uniforms, the bleepy machines, being strapped up to monitors, the string of different people, the language used, the intrusion on so many levels, the decor, the food, the feel and smell of hospital - generally are pretty anathema to getting down and dirty and pushing out our babies in a sweaty grunty primal and actually pretty sexual way.

I wonder why we are so prudish about this inevitable fact of birth? We are pushing a baby out of our *vagina* for goodness sake! Good birth is like good sex. The same hormones. It's seen as weird to enjoy the grunting, primal, sensations or relate them to the orgasm that got the baby there in the first place but the sooner we get over this basic animal fact, the sooner we can have more enjoyable births. Birthing your baby in a glorious quiver is not very British though eh? The hospital set up (with the exception of birth pools) is as frigid as it gets, so generally they are a bad place to have a beautiful birth. Unless you fight tooth and nail and lay out a list of demands to guarantee low levels of light, noise, disturbance etc etc.

Birthing truth number 4:

Once you read up, and get some friends on board who also don't fear birth and think its the most awful thing ever, surrounding yourself with positive images, affirmations and so on, you need to leave your brains behind to birth a baby. You need to get into primal monkey 'ug' mode. Cave woman panting, groaning and so on are all part of the deal. You can't be using the rational part of your brain whilst you are birthing or worrying about anyone else. You need to get into your zone, which is pretty powerful actually, and doing this will help you to get "out of it" in a sense. It's amazing how trippy a natural birth at home can feel. You don't need gas and air to be off your tits in the birth arena. You don't need any morphine based drugs, your body produces its own opiates!

This link is great if you are looking to have a natural birth next time round and want to understand what your body is capable of: http://www.childbirthconnection.org/article.asp?ck=10184

If you want to find out more about a woman's body can really do, here's a great reading list for you.

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth
Dr Amali Lokugamange: In the heart of the womb
Sarah Buckley's: Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering
Sheila Kitzinger: Rediscovering birth
Janet Balaskas: New Active Birth
Dr. Grantly Dick-Read: Birth Without Fear
Tina Cassidy: Birth; a History

Women's bodies are generally not broken and they still work. We are just forgetting because we have been subject to so much fear-mongering and hysteria that we have perpetuated and not questioned for too long. It's about time we reclaimed our body's truths and tapped into what really is and isn't possible.
There are actually only a very small number of women who cannot give birth naturally, safely, and without all the circus of hospital protocol, and for those women, modern technology is in place to help. Technology is not bad in and of itself. The machines that go ping, can be lifesavers, no two ways about it. It just needn't *always* take centre stage. The mother should be at centre stage, generally. Even when birth takes an unexpected turn, there is still room for as many natural elements as possible to be preserved, it doesn't have to be all-out technology central, all the way. It's easy to see the machines as our saviour, and buy into every last techie solution to problems, when sometimes nature is better.

It's time to stop fearing our bodies as we have been taught to, and enjoy them and what they can do!

How do you feel about your birth/s?
Are you a natural birther?
Or maybe you are a midwife or doula and have something to add.
Do you disagree with anything here?
I love to debate this kind of stuff!

Xx MF xX

18 comments:

  1. Well MF, as you know I fall into the freaky or not freaky category depending on how you view it and missed out on the whole birthing process as nature intended and had them removed surgically instead. I often feel I have missed out on something very special. I can only say that I weighed up the first set of twins and the situation I was in and made an informed decision accordingly. Had even some of my circumstances been different even with twins, I suspect I would have made a different choice. The second set of twins presented bigger risks still but I was definitely wanting to try for vaginal birth because I had a C-section to compare too. Anyone who says a C-section is an easy option is just wrong. I was fortunate that my consultant was very positive and for giving a chance for vaginal delivery but unfortunately my littlest one was just way too little compared to her twin and so very real concerns such as TTTS and acute TTTS with the onset of labour. Once again faced with a risk. I chose the option that presented least risk and missed out again on the whole very special natural process and instead had a whole party of strange people at the birth instead of just myself and my husband. Still, I have four very special kids. Perhaps I should go for a number 5? Risk again, it could well be a number 5 and a number 6! Oh yes and don't knock the Entinox - wow I wish I could buy that stuff - that's another story ;-)

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  2. I do not think you are a freak! I think you are brave and intelligent. There are real risks, real dangers. I do not wish to undermine them. I also think that every woman has a right to make an informed decision - as you made. i just wonder if in some cases, (not yours, I mean generally) the risks are overplayed where complications are actually extremely rare. resulting in extra trauma for the mothers and babies to deal with, which might not have been strictly necessary. I had gas and air for three births and it was wonderful, but having had a fourth, where the gas and air didn't arrive in time, I had to go deep into myself - perhaps deeper than I allowed myself to go in previous births. I didn't have any choice... and it turned out just fine! But not everyone is that lucky. I don't think a natural birth makes someone a better mother, and it is not the only thing that makes us real, or natural. Motherhood is a long road and none of it is a competition. I feel nothing but compassion for all mothers, however our babies arrived in the world. We all suffer *something*, we all have different scars xxx

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    1. I jest with the freak label....I think you are right the risks may well be overplayed and I also reckon the consultants may even feel relieved when in my case a twin mother goes for elective c-section. I think in the case of my first batch that as far as the medical profession were concerned I was only really presented with the risks of naturally birthing twins and two labours and the chances of having to do both vaginal and C-Section under emergency situation opposed to the many positive outcomes for twin births that just go without problem - this information came from other twin mothers on forums instead. It certainly can leave you feeling rather scared and apprehensive and not really knowing what to do for the best. I think there are other factors also to consider not just the actual physical process. And again, I couldn't agree more, motherhood is a long road and full of lessons about ourselves and our children and just about everything else - it's certainly made huge changes to me x

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    2. You are so right about the physical process being just one part of it - there's all sorts of other stuff goin on around the birth too....some of which we have control over...some of which we don't....ho hum.... X

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  3. Have shared this with a dear friend who is about to birth her first any day - go MF xx

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  4. Thanks Lucy, I think you should send her a copy of what you have written for my book. THAT is awesome. Sending out good first time vibes for a smooth birth. Just tell her to let her monkey do it as Ina May Gaskin would say :-) first time is harder to trust and let go but natural birth is perfectly possible!

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  5. I think its all about the fear. I know for sure I was scared going into labour the last time and it was one of the worst experiences of my life (not my beautiful baby at the end though). The problem is, how do you make it different next time around (assuming there is one, fingers crossed). A midwife on TV the other week said
    'If a woman has had a bad birth experience last time its almost inevitable she will be the same the next time. When labour starts the memories trigger and the fear kicks in and she wont be able to get past it'
    Its a good thing she was on TV because I felt like thumping her.
    If that's what the professionals think, how on earth are we meant to rely on them for support?
    Val

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  6. Fear is definitely anathema to birth. It's perfectly natural, especially first time round. We are literally bombarded with so many negative messages about birth they are built into our story now. The media doesn't help. If you read Ina May Gaskin's books there are so many birth stories that discuss birth in terms of all the emotions the mother was feeling and how she faced her fears with lots of loving help. She has been the President of the Midwives association of America and is highly respected internationally for her safety rates at her radical birth centre 'The Farm'. The book in the Heart of the Womb is written by a professional who worked in obstetrics and she talks about how she was really brainwashed into thinking about birth in those terms but found how powerful nature was when she had her own baby. Sheila Kitzinger is the queen of natural birth, very wise, experienced, sensible, and has an awesome knowledge of birth practices all over the world. Sarah Buckley is a GP who birthed her three children at home, including one who was born a month early. There are many professionals who have written books but you need to look for them - they generally aren't promoted by your GP or midwife because they are all caught up in the fear/risk model of birth so they can't see beyond that. A good Doula can help support you if you want a natural birth but feel afraid. They can talk everything out with you, help get you in a really positive frame of mind and heart so you feel strong. When we start to read lots of positive stories about birth it can change our perception dramatically so my advice would be to read up on the authors I suggested above, then find a supportive group of women who can help you feel strong. Hypnobirthing and other relaxation methods can also help some women. But generally feeling safe, nurtured, and supported by others whose presence feel positive and strong are the starting point for a straightforward natural birth. Adrenaline, which is naturally produced in our body when we feel uptight and afraid will always stall labour, so finding ways to reduce this in advance of birth and recognising the triggers are also part of the whole birth preparation! Birth happens mostly in our heads, so finding a way to cope even if things go differently to how we planned, also helps. You can always ask your partner/ a good friend/ Doula/ midwife to teach you some techniques for zoning out "noise" and staying primal even if everyone around you is hyper, being stressy or whatever. You can learn to blank out that energy and keep it all animal. Hope that helps!. X

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  7. Actually Sheila Kitzinger is one of the few books I read first time around. I would say I was more apprehensive than scared, but I was so overwhelming excited to meet my first baby I think it pushed out some of the fear. The second time they wanted to send me home (until they checked and saw I was 8cm dilated), because I was so calm and collected they thought I wasn't in established labour (that's what they told my husband). This last time was a whole different ball game. I think my plan will be to focus on the fact that I had a drug free labour they time they left me alone because they thought I wasn't in labour (ties in with what you said really). I have Ina May's birth and breastfeeding books on my Amazon wish list, just sitting ready for me.
    V
    xxx

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  8. Ah you will do just beautifully, I know it! :-) xxx

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  9. I hypno-birthed my second, at home, in a birth pool, without drugs or any intervention. It was the most magical, sensual, awesome experience. I totally agree with you about the whole fear thing, and over medicalisation. Please do include something on hypnobirthing in your book if you can.
    http://www.hypnobirthing.co.uk/
    Alison

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  10. Lovely! Ooh yes I certainly will! Thanks for sharing your experience and thanks for the link
    :-)

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  11. thinking of a homebirth for my 3rd (was to chicken shit to do it last time).
    my first was hospital and i think because i was so scared and my then bf was shitty support, so i gave in and had an epidural(which i now regret deeply!) but i still got her out myself...there was no way i was having ANY instrument put on or around my sweet baby's head!
    second time beautiful..long walk,sunset,and then some funny russell howards stand-up, followed by 5 hours in hospital on the floor (mattress and bean bag!) and the midwife was just how she needed to be..in the background and quiet. basically i was left to get on with it. however she wanted to cut his cord as he was blue. i had to grab him and rub him briskly to get his colour as she kept saying she had to cut it. he turned pink, and remained attatched to his life supporting friend for over an hour so he recieved all his lovely oxytocin!
    this time i think i may just have the balls to go it at home..if i knew what to do last time im sure i can do it again!

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  12. Grabbing your own baby and rubbing him is something most mamas would be scared of in hospital - this just proves that the seat of power when it comes to our babies should lie most absolutely, most definitely, with us, the mama. We're so timid and deferential generally when we have our babies in hospital because we have been talked down to throughout our pregnancy and are made to feel disempowered and stupid by the professionals, not really encouraged to have any REAL say in what happens, and in the birth room we often completely surrender our power and authority to people who can be so bossy and rude! Well done you. Power to mamas! Thanks for sharing your story!

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  13. good birth is like good sex! Lol. I know you have a passion for natural childbirth but I just have to say I fn hate being pregnant. I love kids and I can see how it is described as a miracle, but a magical experience...not for me. I have really easy quick births and would be the perfect candidate for a homebirth, but no thanks! Well I'd have the baby at home if you'd give me an epidural. I did drugs my whole life until becoming a mother so I sort of look forward to the epidural. I also like staying in the hospital. Its like a vacation for me. Anyway, love your blog and this is a great post too. I thought about natural childbirth for about a minute...

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  14. LOL! As John Lennon sang, "whatever gets you through the night, it's alright, it's alright" ;-)

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  15. Hi,
    This is the first time that I have felt compelled to comment on your blog.
    I agree with many of the points that you have come across but I also feel that there are many assumptions being made here.
    In my opinion, in my opinion... you have given the impression that women who don't agree with your opinions (truths!) are weak, prudish, naive and scared.
    I feel that most of the time I am none of the above but am open minded about where i choose to have my child and how I choose to have my child depending on the circumstances at the time. I know that it is not my place to advise or comment on how it should happen for others. I feel it is also unfair to assume that every hospital, doctor and midwife is the same and that they all share the same beliefs and approach towards every mother and birth that they are involved with. Much of the prodding and poking that they do is not necessary for all but could save lives for others.
    As you know (for the benefit of others) I was fortunate enough to experience an uncomplicated birth at home without pain relief. Who knows how my next baby will arrive. Safely I hope.
    With love
    Sara

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  16. Sara I'm not judging others choices. I'm just saying how glorious it CAN be. I've spent several hundred hours reading and reading and reading books written by professionals who themselves have big question marks about the way that women are handled in hospital in both the uk, and all over the western world. The fact that 1 in 4 births in the UK is now a caesarean when the world health organisation suggests it shouldn't be more than 10% causes a few alarm bells. There is also a pretty high risk of infection in hospitals, and there is no doubt about it that the environment of a hospital is not conducive to animaly behaviour, but this is not to say every last situation will be so. There are good hospitals, excellent practices, great midwives to be sure. I have had three babies at home, and one in hospital so this also colours my view. There are a number of very respected professionals who have questions, and to be honest, I cannot claim any originality for my "truths' since I have simply read them over and over again in the books of Michel Odent, Sheila Kitzinger, Ina May Gaskin, Sarah Buckley and others. You might have an absolutely beautiful hospital birth, as some women do. This is my wish for you. You feel safe where you feel safe and that's entirely personal xxx

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