Me!
You know what I only just realised today?
A funny thing, really!
Some of my closest friends do not even know my pet name(s).
For years and years, my hubby Pete has been calling me 'Pilau Rice!' Or just Pilau for short.
I literally can't remember a time when he hasn't called me this. When I met him at the age of 18, I felt liberated to be starting a new life away from home, and somehow as I crossed that threshold into my new life, simply calling myself P felt nicer than my actual name - Paula. So P became Pilau, thanks to my man, super organically!
The first time a playful name found me was as a kid. Me, my sister Sandi and my friend Laura (now Lola) formed a pop trio. I was the main singer -Polly Darton - and Sandi ( who spells it Sandy on paper)and Laura were 'The Groovers'. These names still fly with us - 30 years later!!!! Our style could best be described as Vic 'n' Bob meets....um.... Dolly Parton! Thinking about the 'album' we recorded and the giggle fits we had makes me laugh my head off.
And then I remembered that an old boyfriend had decided early on in his life (in primary school I think) that he did not want to be called Geoff (pretty groovy name I think) announcing confidently to his parents he wanted to be called Phil instead. His folks were cool as cucumbers and just said 'sure!'. He still goes by that name today as far as I know.
For years and years, friends have called me P or Pilau or Pilau rice, and when I meet up with my old gang, everyone calls me Pilau. It doesn't even register any more as sounding weird. And yet I don't introduce myself as Pilau to anyone now, it's kinda like a funny in-joke from bygone days that sorta stuck. But I love this pet name. It's so me!
Recently I was messing about with a friend up here in Cambs, and it turns out that her kids and hubby call her Lady Marmalade! And I love this name for her, it's great. She is a groovy mama who likes marmalade. A lot.
I have known other friends to kind of accidentally end up with different nicknames, maybe more than one in their lifetime. Most people I know seem to have a pet name of some sort.
Do you have a sweet or secret nickname dear reader? Have you consciously changed your name? Or done it be depol? Do you really hate your name? If you changed it, what did it mean to shed your old name? Was it liberating?
Maybe you have a bloggy moniker, like me, calling yourself something more exciting than your real name. Motherfunker certainly feels more fun than simply Paula. It helps me to tap into a particular aspect of my personality that I like the most - not the greasy haired, frazzled looking mama I often look like in my real life!!!! Perhaps having an online persona or name is a way of protecting yourself, retaining a little anonymity, saving something of yourself, for, well, you!
What's in a name, dear reader?
XxX
Saturday, 25 February 2012
Friday, 24 February 2012
Hullaballoola....Paula's a Doula!
What's all the hullaballoola?
I have some exciting news to share - two days ago, I finally got my motherfunkin' backside in gear and submitted my final piece of coursework to earn my Doula certificate - and now I have it!
How did this happen?
Since attending the workshop part of the course in Brighton last May, I have tried to write my final piece I don't know how many times but each time it somehow felt mediocre, kind of ok but nothing special. I'd write it then leave it lying around for a bit. I'd re-read it and think - 'nah!'
Why?
I think the reason is because in my heart I know that my main work right now involves being here for my kiddos and facilitating their learning journey. It's a pretty full-time gig. I chose to do that for them, to be with them, and my commitment to them is 100% The same question kept coming back to me - 'How am I logistically going to find childcare for my bambinos at the drop of a hat?' Birth is a bit, you know, random, generally, so how do I drop everything I'm doing and help another mama 'do the do'? The timing of birth is a science unto itself, and unless a client goes for an elective c-section, how can I know my children will have someone to look after them, care for them, feed them, educate them?
And then I had a realisation. How many clients am I really likely to have? Here, in these marshy flatlands I call home? Maybe two or three a year? Is this really such a big deal? I'll have time to figure things out, no?
So, laid up in bed with a bad back, on day 3, I started to write my coursework. And man, did I enjoy it! I wrote in a frenzy, the words finally tumbling from my heart just as I had always meant to say them. I couldn't write them before, because I hadn't quite figured it out yet. I had to go through months and months of experiences, interaction, thinking deeply and educating myself further. And in doing so, I have worked out.....
I have some exciting news to share - two days ago, I finally got my motherfunkin' backside in gear and submitted my final piece of coursework to earn my Doula certificate - and now I have it!
How did this happen?
Since attending the workshop part of the course in Brighton last May, I have tried to write my final piece I don't know how many times but each time it somehow felt mediocre, kind of ok but nothing special. I'd write it then leave it lying around for a bit. I'd re-read it and think - 'nah!'
Why?
I think the reason is because in my heart I know that my main work right now involves being here for my kiddos and facilitating their learning journey. It's a pretty full-time gig. I chose to do that for them, to be with them, and my commitment to them is 100% The same question kept coming back to me - 'How am I logistically going to find childcare for my bambinos at the drop of a hat?' Birth is a bit, you know, random, generally, so how do I drop everything I'm doing and help another mama 'do the do'? The timing of birth is a science unto itself, and unless a client goes for an elective c-section, how can I know my children will have someone to look after them, care for them, feed them, educate them?
And then I had a realisation. How many clients am I really likely to have? Here, in these marshy flatlands I call home? Maybe two or three a year? Is this really such a big deal? I'll have time to figure things out, no?
So, laid up in bed with a bad back, on day 3, I started to write my coursework. And man, did I enjoy it! I wrote in a frenzy, the words finally tumbling from my heart just as I had always meant to say them. I couldn't write them before, because I hadn't quite figured it out yet. I had to go through months and months of experiences, interaction, thinking deeply and educating myself further. And in doing so, I have worked out.....
....my manifesto! ta-da! And here it is:
To listen to each mother with my eyes, ears, hands and heart
*
To honour,
defend, and support her right to find her own strength, her own truths, her own
power
*
To act as a
signpost towards information but not to be pushy with my own agenda
*
To respect that
each woman has her own journey
*
To recognise that each mother will have different needs and wants
*
To help the mother to tap into her primitive, monkey brain, whatever setting she births in,
by
speaking gently, touching gently, acting gently, and thinking gently
*
To provide
relief for the father/birth partner of the child by allowing them to
rest as necessary
*
-
To acknowledge
and respect the laws of oxytocin and adrenaline production – keeping my own
adrenaline in check so as to extend a feeling of calm to the mother and father/birth
partner, and in turn, the baby
*
To help the mother to process feelings of joy, elation, tiredness, disappointment – the
whole
gamut of feelings that can follow a birth
*
To help her feel
safe to process the decisions she made, help her to
be at peace with her birth and help her
to self-reflect so she can draw her own
conclusions if things might have gone better….
*
To commit to my
own ongoing education about birth
*
To help the birthing mother to the best of my ability, to have a truly nurturing
birth
And here's my certificate :-)
( Doula-Doula happy dance )
I am one very happy motherfunker, so I am!
XXX
Tuesday, 21 February 2012
Motherfunker's heroes and heroines : Great teachers: Ina May Gaskin
Hey
Laid up on my back today (ouch!) with hubby doing my regular job and lying here with my wireless keyboard I thought it would be fun to do a series of posts throughout the year, celebrating some of my favourite teachers - the people I respect and admire the most, those whose words speak so deeply into my soul that it quietly says amen at every comma and full stop.
In this post I want to talk about one of the most inspiring women in midwifery. I know, I wasn't gonna do anything birthy for a while..... but I LOVE this woman!
Ina May Gaskin started her career as a midwife whilst living the hippie dream. At first, her and her husband were travelling as part of a convoy of buses and trailers, and her and some of the other women were helping one another to have their babies on the road.
In 1971, they collectively decided to buy a huge chunk of land that came up for sale in Tennessee, and it became known as 'The Farm'. Here, women were able to have their babies in more comfortable conditions, giving birth in simple wooden homes, and sometimes even outdoors. There were walkie talkies to communicate between houses, which were dotted around the 1,064 acre plot. When it became apparent that there was something pretty special going on here, the reputation of The Farm as being a safe place to give birth away from the medical dictat of the day, soon meant that more and more women were flocking to this natural birthing 'mecca', where the rules about birth, the secrets and wisdom of birth was at odds with medical fashion.
The women who were welcoming souls in, began to get more and more medical experience, and formed a good relationship with a very kind local doctor, who helped them to become better equipped, helped them form a bridge between the earth wisdom and the best of what the technological world could offer to assist. The Farm was becoming more of a formal birth centre, the lay midwives were becoming trained experts - partly through experience with the women birthing on the Farm, through the stories shared by visiting women from other parts of the world, throgh being invited to attend or speak at lectures first nationally then internationally, and through a greater and greater understanding of obstetric practices and more formalised ways of knowing about birth. The equipment available on site also became more sophisticated - although its use is sensible and used only when deemed necessary and not 'routinely'.
A lot of what they saw happening in the outside world didn't sit right with what they knew from seeing women birthing at the Farm. They could see pretty clearly what helped or hindered a labouring woman. The effect of different people coming in and out of the room, the effect of moving freely or being strapped down. They laughed, massaged, cried, counselled, held hands with, and truly listened to one another, and their own bodies wisdom. They also accompanied a woman to hospital on the very rare occasion she needed it.
Over the years, the Farm has changed a lot. Different women, men and children have come and gone, some have stayed on for many years- but it remains a fascinating and important reminder of what birth can be, and the statistics speak volumes.
In the forty years since the start of its existence The Farm boasts an impressive record for safety and low intervention. The Farm - Birth Stats
From such humble beginnings, Ina May Gaskin has become an icon in the midwifery world, and has been presenting lectures all over the world for decades. She remains wise, humble, unshakeable in her faith in women, unafraid to speak to the highest officials. She was President of the Midwives Alliance of North America from 1996 - 2002, and has been bestowed with many prestigious awards, most notably in recent times the co-winner of the 2011 Right Livelihood Award ( often referred to as the alternative Nobel prize). She is also the only midwife to date to have had a medical term named after her - the Gaskin Manoevre.
This video pretty much encapsulates her ideas in a nutshell:
here she is gives a presentation to members of the Belgian government and other officials, on collecting her Right Livelihood Award in 2011
and below is a video of her teaching a group at the Farm.
If this kinda thing floats your boat, she has a bunch of books too:
Ina May, I'm so grateful for your wisdom, your insight, your faith.
You truly rock!
Xx MF xX
Laid up on my back today (ouch!) with hubby doing my regular job and lying here with my wireless keyboard I thought it would be fun to do a series of posts throughout the year, celebrating some of my favourite teachers - the people I respect and admire the most, those whose words speak so deeply into my soul that it quietly says amen at every comma and full stop.
In this post I want to talk about one of the most inspiring women in midwifery. I know, I wasn't gonna do anything birthy for a while..... but I LOVE this woman!
Ina May Gaskin started her career as a midwife whilst living the hippie dream. At first, her and her husband were travelling as part of a convoy of buses and trailers, and her and some of the other women were helping one another to have their babies on the road.
In 1971, they collectively decided to buy a huge chunk of land that came up for sale in Tennessee, and it became known as 'The Farm'. Here, women were able to have their babies in more comfortable conditions, giving birth in simple wooden homes, and sometimes even outdoors. There were walkie talkies to communicate between houses, which were dotted around the 1,064 acre plot. When it became apparent that there was something pretty special going on here, the reputation of The Farm as being a safe place to give birth away from the medical dictat of the day, soon meant that more and more women were flocking to this natural birthing 'mecca', where the rules about birth, the secrets and wisdom of birth was at odds with medical fashion.
The women who were welcoming souls in, began to get more and more medical experience, and formed a good relationship with a very kind local doctor, who helped them to become better equipped, helped them form a bridge between the earth wisdom and the best of what the technological world could offer to assist. The Farm was becoming more of a formal birth centre, the lay midwives were becoming trained experts - partly through experience with the women birthing on the Farm, through the stories shared by visiting women from other parts of the world, throgh being invited to attend or speak at lectures first nationally then internationally, and through a greater and greater understanding of obstetric practices and more formalised ways of knowing about birth. The equipment available on site also became more sophisticated - although its use is sensible and used only when deemed necessary and not 'routinely'.
A lot of what they saw happening in the outside world didn't sit right with what they knew from seeing women birthing at the Farm. They could see pretty clearly what helped or hindered a labouring woman. The effect of different people coming in and out of the room, the effect of moving freely or being strapped down. They laughed, massaged, cried, counselled, held hands with, and truly listened to one another, and their own bodies wisdom. They also accompanied a woman to hospital on the very rare occasion she needed it.
Over the years, the Farm has changed a lot. Different women, men and children have come and gone, some have stayed on for many years- but it remains a fascinating and important reminder of what birth can be, and the statistics speak volumes.
In the forty years since the start of its existence The Farm boasts an impressive record for safety and low intervention. The Farm - Birth Stats
From such humble beginnings, Ina May Gaskin has become an icon in the midwifery world, and has been presenting lectures all over the world for decades. She remains wise, humble, unshakeable in her faith in women, unafraid to speak to the highest officials. She was President of the Midwives Alliance of North America from 1996 - 2002, and has been bestowed with many prestigious awards, most notably in recent times the co-winner of the 2011 Right Livelihood Award ( often referred to as the alternative Nobel prize). She is also the only midwife to date to have had a medical term named after her - the Gaskin Manoevre.
This video pretty much encapsulates her ideas in a nutshell:
here she is gives a presentation to members of the Belgian government and other officials, on collecting her Right Livelihood Award in 2011
and below is a video of her teaching a group at the Farm.
If this kinda thing floats your boat, she has a bunch of books too:
Ina May, I'm so grateful for your wisdom, your insight, your faith.
You truly rock!
Xx MF xX
Saturday, 18 February 2012
Motherfunker's scrummy honey, lemon and ginger cake!
Now I'm not much of a baker if we're talking fancy stuff. No ma'am. But I do love a bit of cake, and whilst mucking about the other day, come up with this sticky, gorgeous little beaut!
So I thought I'd share it with you.
Ingredients
250g butter
250g sugar
250g self raising flour
as close to 250g eggs (slightly over 250 better than under 250)
scooped out contents of half a lemon
rind of one and a half lemons
2 balls of ginger in syrup from jar, finely chopped, with a wee gloop of the syrup
and either 2 tbsp golden syrup + 1tbs honey
or 3 tbsp honey
******************
Ok, everyone has their own way of chucking together a sponge, and this is no different. You can either cream butter+sugar first, then add the rind and other wet ingredients, then add the eggs/flour alternately till both are incorporated.
Or, if you have a super-de-dooper mixy uppy thingy of some sort, let the machine/stick blender do its stuff and have it all come together in its own way. If you do it this way I'd add the rind after the mixing or it'll get lost in the cake.
Personally I don't have a swishy wishy machine, so I do it the first way, with a bowl and spoon, and a bit of muscle.
However you do it, just make sure it's all been beaten and mixed up well, taste it to see if you'd prefer it to be a bit more lemony, a bit more gingery or bit more sweet. You can tweak it in whichever direction you like.
I then throw mine into a greased, deep, ceramic tray and bake for about an hour. I have an aga type cooker which cooks at between 160-175c depending on how much I've been opening the top oven and so on, but generally, just keep checking up on it. It cooks really well as a pretty slow bake on a lowish heat.
If you fancy, you can slice it up and make an iced topping or cream filling of some sort but because every surface of my house has already taken a hammering from the tide of kiddy grime, I keep it simple and eat the cake as it is. That and I'm too damn lazy and greedy and want to eat it ASAP!!! You could of course serve it with custard, cream or ice cream as a hot pudding as soon as it comes out the oven.
Let me know how you get on, if you follow this recipe but have your own cheeky little twist, have a yummy icing or glaze idea, or have one of your own kid-friendly recipes you'd like to feature here.
Happy eating!
********
Wednesday, 15 February 2012
Peace, love, faith and healing
Hey lovely people,
Since I wrote my birth post I have been reading and re-reading it, trying to find the judgement in my tone that some of you may have taken the wrong way.
I need to make it absolutely clear that my stance is not to attack any mother's empowered choice. If a woman consents, with eyes wide open, and has not felt bullied in any way - that, to me, is empowerment. If a woman chooses to take drugs to see her through the pain, that is an empowered choice, which she has taken on board, which she takes responsibility for. That is empowerment, and that is a fabulous thing.
I celebrate the fact we can choose, that we have options available to us. I celebrate the fact that medical breakthroughs have saved many babies and mothers that may otherwise have died.
What I do not celebrate, is when a woman feels outnumbered and her wisdom is not given enough voice. When a well informed healthy woman is forced to have a birth she didn't want simply because she felt pressured or outright bullied at a time when she is most vulnerable.
The spirit in which I wrote my birth post was that it was meant to be an invitation to tap into ways to get past barriers, push past blockages, block out unhelpful stimuli, to have a safe, beautiful, transformative and deeply spiritual, connected way of meeting our babies. I wrote to give courage, to fortify and strengthen. I was trying to cut a lot of crap outta our way to bring it all back to us, that we can do it, we are not broken, we are whole. That pretty much mostly what you need is right inside you already and what you most need from those around you, really is love. Love, love, and more love. And faith. It is love that gets the baby in there, and the flow of oxytocin all around in the hearts of those attending to you is potentially more powerful and intoxicating than other medications designed to replicate that. When love energy is all around a mother as she births her baby, it heals everyone in its path, and touches everyone for lifetime. This is true of any type of birth model where the birth attendants are kind and good, and remain sensitive and personal in spite of the volume of mothers they deal with in a day.
Sometimes on top of love, babies need extra medical help to come out safely. I have never denied this. This does not negate or contradict the love aspect of birth. Even a caesarean birth scene has deeply loving humans at the heart of it - the bright lights, gowns and so on pale into insignificance once that beautiful baby is in your arms. However the baby is brought out into the world, it is still your bosom they end up at, your arms, your heart, ultimately. You are the heartbeat, the rhythm, and rock of safety that your baby clings to, remembers, loves.
If our own birth experience leaves us feeling sad or disempowered it is never too late to heal. We can feel disappointment whilst accepting and forgiving ourselves and others too if things didn't quite go as perfectly as we might have liked. There are lessons we can learn from, ways we can help others so they have a better time of it than we did. Love finds a way of soothing and healing us when we surrender to it. Many of us feel regrets about our births, and we live with the imperfections of how life sometimes flows. But peace,love, time and perspective can heal this.
I wish all my readers much peace, love, self-understanding, healing, and joy. I have fucked up many a time, made disempowered choices, and live with regrets and wishes that I had done things differently. I am scrambling around in the dark as much as the next person. But it's ok. I extend the same commitment to peace, love, self understanding, healing and joy to myself too.
I do not write to hurt or make others feel bad. I write to heal.
Xx MF xX
Since I wrote my birth post I have been reading and re-reading it, trying to find the judgement in my tone that some of you may have taken the wrong way.
I need to make it absolutely clear that my stance is not to attack any mother's empowered choice. If a woman consents, with eyes wide open, and has not felt bullied in any way - that, to me, is empowerment. If a woman chooses to take drugs to see her through the pain, that is an empowered choice, which she has taken on board, which she takes responsibility for. That is empowerment, and that is a fabulous thing.
I celebrate the fact we can choose, that we have options available to us. I celebrate the fact that medical breakthroughs have saved many babies and mothers that may otherwise have died.
What I do not celebrate, is when a woman feels outnumbered and her wisdom is not given enough voice. When a well informed healthy woman is forced to have a birth she didn't want simply because she felt pressured or outright bullied at a time when she is most vulnerable.
The spirit in which I wrote my birth post was that it was meant to be an invitation to tap into ways to get past barriers, push past blockages, block out unhelpful stimuli, to have a safe, beautiful, transformative and deeply spiritual, connected way of meeting our babies. I wrote to give courage, to fortify and strengthen. I was trying to cut a lot of crap outta our way to bring it all back to us, that we can do it, we are not broken, we are whole. That pretty much mostly what you need is right inside you already and what you most need from those around you, really is love. Love, love, and more love. And faith. It is love that gets the baby in there, and the flow of oxytocin all around in the hearts of those attending to you is potentially more powerful and intoxicating than other medications designed to replicate that. When love energy is all around a mother as she births her baby, it heals everyone in its path, and touches everyone for lifetime. This is true of any type of birth model where the birth attendants are kind and good, and remain sensitive and personal in spite of the volume of mothers they deal with in a day.
Sometimes on top of love, babies need extra medical help to come out safely. I have never denied this. This does not negate or contradict the love aspect of birth. Even a caesarean birth scene has deeply loving humans at the heart of it - the bright lights, gowns and so on pale into insignificance once that beautiful baby is in your arms. However the baby is brought out into the world, it is still your bosom they end up at, your arms, your heart, ultimately. You are the heartbeat, the rhythm, and rock of safety that your baby clings to, remembers, loves.
If our own birth experience leaves us feeling sad or disempowered it is never too late to heal. We can feel disappointment whilst accepting and forgiving ourselves and others too if things didn't quite go as perfectly as we might have liked. There are lessons we can learn from, ways we can help others so they have a better time of it than we did. Love finds a way of soothing and healing us when we surrender to it. Many of us feel regrets about our births, and we live with the imperfections of how life sometimes flows. But peace,love, time and perspective can heal this.
I wish all my readers much peace, love, self-understanding, healing, and joy. I have fucked up many a time, made disempowered choices, and live with regrets and wishes that I had done things differently. I am scrambling around in the dark as much as the next person. But it's ok. I extend the same commitment to peace, love, self understanding, healing and joy to myself too.
I do not write to hurt or make others feel bad. I write to heal.
Xx MF xX
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