Monday, 25 March 2013

daffodils, glitter and chocolate

I might not post for a little while as I'm going to be spending the week doing other things, but here are some glittery springtime pictures from the cleary household, just because......

 These pics are actually from last year, but once again, I need to look at them to get me in the mood!

I think a little bit of glitter is in order this make up for the fact that both Pete and I are on a no choccy diet for a while - we're being very good so far.... only eaten one of those teeny-tiny shot-glass minipots of chocolate gu each...  I can feel a chocolate truffle-making session coming on this week though.... chocolate.... mmmm..... chocolate.... chocolate..... I dream of you chocolate...... I miss you chocolate dearest.... I can give up all the other stuff, but you are the hardest of all!

Friday, 22 March 2013


I've had an overwhelming urge to take down my last post and sneakily delete it. I sound like a crazy woman, a little voice tells me! Don't be so unprofessional! Don't write about those days. Keep them quiet. People only want to read the shiny happy stuff!

Real life is not that neat and tidy.

I could have told you about the wonderful time we had at a big old gathering of home educators, and the joy of seeing so many lovely friends in one place, with lots of lovely moments for all the family.

Or the fact that I received an incredible bit of news from a friend that made me cry with joy.

But somehow by evening my thoughts had turned back to dark things and sad things, secrets I am not allowed to tell and sadnesses that I could not heal. Some days we tread a path that sees somehow sees us laughing and crying, in which we feel glad to be alive one minute and wonder how the world can be so twisted the next.

And the other day was one such day.

Things are looking brighter again, with new perspectives, revelations and understandings.

After feeling I had no time for myself, for my own life, for my own worries, I have reclaimed a lot of it just by being clear with people around me, by organising myself better, and by shifting my focus away from thinking about them and focusing on my own family life again.

And you know what?

Things are pretty peachy really.

There's not much wrong in my own world so I should be thankful.

And tommorow we are having some VIP visitors for fun and shennanigans so yippee for us!

Life is pretty sweet all in all and balance is back in the room :-)

Wednesday, 20 March 2013

Coming up for air

My life is feeling very full right now. In a good way - beautiful friends, healthy family, financially secure-ish for a while. Lots of wonderful things happening in my life and to those around me. Truly.

But there are dark things too. Murky things. Overwhelming things that I cannot process or fathom. So many things I want to help fix for others, to make it better, to make it all hurt less, to make it alright and happy ending-ish. And the realisation that I cannot help or save others from their situations is hard for me to bear at the moment. I want to wave a magic wand and kiss it all better, to be a fairy godmother who comes good and doesn't let anyone down - a miracle worker who changes dark to light, who heals all hurts. And I know I cannot do that for every single person in my life who is hurting - and there seems to be a lot of it going round at the moment. Big horrible scary shitty stuff. And it hurts like hell.

I've taken on a mighty amount of commitments at the moment which I am having a hard time fulfilling. I want to be all things to all people! And what does a gal do when she has a shit-tonne of work stuff to do?

Well this girl is writing tonight. Because she needs to. Because writing feels like coming up for air.
I write because I need to. Like breathing.

Of course I should be doing what I need to to get on with my writing projects, which are piling up with deadlines in view. Of course. There are more constructive ways I could be spending this time. But my head isn't in that space. And tonight, I need THIS space. I need to just breathe into this space and say I am here.

This is me, coming up for air.

Friday, 15 March 2013

Nearly nearly Easter!

I had kind of forgotten that Easter was so near and since it's been all snowy I've had trouble getting my head round it!

So this post is to remind me of the fact it really is Spring, colourful, lovely Spring, and almost the time for feasting, putting my bunting back up, bringing in budding apple tree twigs so they bloom and getting colourful and chocolatey!

Here are some pics from last year, which was uber colourful :-)

This year I shall be a feastin' at our place most likely and without the lovely family that we shared this meal with last year.... because I shall be 'on call' for the arrival of a very special little baby that I am so honoured to be doulaing into the world - my first yurt baby! Woohooo! I am very, very excited!

Bring on Easter! 

Thursday, 14 March 2013

27 minutes of joy

Somehow I missed seeing this particular series at the time. I was probably too busy being a teenager at the time... but happily discovered these this morning, and have been snuggled up on the sofa watching these together with Alf and chuckling at them- and thought you might like them too! 

Xx MF xX

Tuesday, 5 March 2013

Birthing my creative baby

I have just figured something out in the last few days.

Birthing a creative baby is a little like birthing a real one.

It started with a twinkle in the heart. A dream, a vision. A glorious conception.

The seed takes hold and then it grows slowly over time, gestating 'til it reaches maturity. 

Pregnant with your idea, your dream, your project, you go through the phase of feeling wonderfully glowy and full of beans.

There comes a point when you must withdraw a little from the outside world so you can nest and nurture yourself, and be alone with your thoughts, with your big idea.

Your baby pushes and stretches you beyond many of your comfort zones and you grow fat and heavy with it.

The baby kicks - you can feel the shape of it, play with its toes, but cannot imagine it in its exact form, the features are a hazy vision.

And as it is just before birth you flit between energy boosts and then you feel a little low and the pains come. You decide you don't want this baby after all. What were you thinking? Fuck this hurts! You decide that nope, you're not even actually pregnant at all and you're going to do something completely different altogether.

In transition,  it feels too big, too much, it won't fit. How is this going to come out of me?


And so it was with my new website and blog.

In the end, my little 'creative' baby was easier to birth than I thought! She is a pretty little thing, and an easy peasy baby so far. 

Judging by the 4,700 pagehits and hundreds of 'shares' of my first post in its first week, everyone else must think so too!!! 

If you haven't been over there yet, come on over and take a look at my iccle creative baby.

Big love Xx